Pieces of Heart

How well are you treating yourself and others lately?

Truth

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”Gautama Buddha

This morning I was looking through my Facebook memory feed and I saw the entry above. It struck a chord; so I posted it again and within minutes, some of my friends started sharing it. Isn’t it the truth? Why is it so hard for the majority of humans to focus on our positive attributes rather than our negative ones?

I know the quote up there says that it’s not up to others to keep you encouraged and it’s true; but oh, does it help when we infuse this good advice with a healthy dose of kindness to one another? It doesn’t take a supreme effort to make another person feel good. In fact, whenever I am able to bring a smile to someone else’s heart, it makes my own heart smile.

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This morning I made a quick stop on the way to work in order to pick up lunch. I stopped at my favorite grocery store and picked out something Keto-approved (because I am on a never ending quest to get healthier. That counts as self-love, right?). Standing in the checkout line I overheard the cashier call the customer in front of me by name. My first thought was that she must be a regular shopper. Still, it made me smile inwardly because the cashier was so kind to her.

When it was my turn, she asked me how I was, we exchanged pleasantries and she rang up my items. When she handed me the receipt, in the sweetest tone, she said to me, “Thank you, Bobbe…I really like your name!” I thanked her, wished her a great day, and I left the store smiling. I am sure the store management probably encouraged her to do this, but it didn’t matter to me a bit. It was kind. Her delivery was genuine and it made me feel good. As I pulled out into traffic, still smiling, I couldn’t help but think about how important it is to be kind to one another. She had just altered the course of my day in a wonderfully simple, yet highly positive way.

Last night we performed our regular once-per-week catering job. It’s the Fellowship Meal for the church where I work (doing finances), and I am Facebook friends with most of the people who attend. If you subscribe to this blog you already know that I adore cooking. Few things make me happier than mastering a new dish or preparing pretty food. I regularly share my food porn and my recipes on Facebook, because it’s what I enjoy. (Who doesn’t love food?)

Admittedly, there was a time when I wouldn’t share this blog anywhere because I feared what people may think. My food blogs could be construed as bragging; my inspirational writing could be construed as me believing I am above others; my angel musings could be construed as me being delusional or crazy. I was worried that people I work with might think I am (gasp) “new age”, even though I am actually the furthest thing from it. I was worried about offending people who don’t like what I like… You get where I am going with this.

deep

When I turned 54 a month ago today, I made the decision to live in authenticity. To me, this means the inside matches the outside; it means sharing exactly who I am without concern over what other people think or whether they believe the same as I do. It means that what others think of me is none of my business. Am I living my life in accordance to what I believe God wants? Am I feeling good in my own heart? To me, nothing else should be of higher importance.  Besides, if we were all exactly the same, where would joy live?  Ponder this a while. I’ll wait.

Last night just as we were about to serve dinner, one of the church congregants -(a lady I love to “silly-banter” with)- came across the room to tell me she wanted to tell me something. I was expecting our normal silliness, but instead she was so sincere. She proceeded to say the nicest things to me with regard to the variety of things I do well in my life; the cooking, the writing, the accounting, etc. I don’t want to repeat the entire exchange here, but it was one of the loveliest and most unexpected compliments I have ever received. Apparently, she’s been reading my blogs and so she is knowing me better. <grin> What she didn’t know, (or maybe she did), was just how timely she was, as I’ve been feeling rather low since Easter.

Driving home last night, I was telling Charlie what she said when tears formed in his eyes. He took my hand in his and said, “It’s all true, Bobbe. You don’t get enough credit or give yourself enough credit for who you are.” He doesn’t know it, but every time he gets emotional when I tell him about something like this, it cements the fact that I know I am exactly where I belong.

I don’t know if it’s true that I don’t get enough credit. (I am aware I don’t give myself enough credit because people tell me this all the time!) The reason I share this is to illustrate that kindness matters. Two times in the past twenty four hours, I’ve experienced unexpected kindnesses and my spirit has done a complete about-face. In fact, I feel transformed.

I am a generally positive person. Imagine if I wasn’t? How might these kindnesses have affected me even more?

Thank you God, for those people who unabashedly offer pieces of heart. Please help me to persist in trying to follow this path as well.

May pieces of heart sprinkle all of the paths we travel and may God grant us the insight to know when to sprinkle our own.

Happy Friday!

Love, Bobbe

 

Church Perks

This popped up in my memories today and it’s just the thing I needed to read. I love how the Universe works this way. ❤

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Very often when least expected, God sends a messenger.

People are shocked when they learn that I suffer tremendously with internal issues of self-worth. Because of this I am nearly always questioning myself. “Did I do that well enough?”; “Am I on the right path?”;”Does anything I do even matter?”;”Does anyone even care about me, really?”;”Am I doing enough?”;”What is wrong with me?”. I could go on and on.

I say people are shocked when they learn this, because I present myself as the exact opposite. Most people who know me think I am the most confident person around and they would never dream that inside, very often I am a mess.

When depression attempts to pull me under, I go on the offense; slapping the fake smile on, forcing myself to “go the extra mile”, etc. I have learned through years of practice that when I am successful with my efforts, God always meets me half way with something glorious. This is what carries me through.

The other day I was in my tiny office in the back of the church when I heard an African man talking to the ladies at the front desk. First of all, I love that accent, so my ears perked up when he started talking.

He had been to a ministry several blocks away from our location in order to receive financial assistance with his rent. As he told his story, I could tell he was very upset. He explained that he understood we are not affiliated with them, but as he was driving by the church, he felt compelled to come inside to talk through it.

Apparently, over a month ago he’d been granted financial assistance (by the other ministry) with his rent so he thought everything was fine. However, when he retrieved his mail that morning, he found an eviction notice. Fearful, he jumped in the car and went back to the Ministry, only to be treated as if he’d never been there.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not the one who handles people who walk in the office for help, but on this day, because of the dire situation, I felt compelled to intervene. So I went out, introduced myself, asked for his paperwork, told him to have a seat, and went back to my office to call the person who leads that Ministry. As it happens, in addition to my part-time work at the church, I also do the finances for the Ministry in question.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in such things.

After a few back and forth calls, it was determined that his file had been misplaced and indeed, the payment for his rent had not been made. A few more calls were made, including one to his Landlord, who accepted the explanation and agreed to wait to receive the past-due rent and I was able to walk back out and tell him his situation was remedied. By this time, hours had passed, and this poor man who had been in the office so upset and nervous finally had relief. He thanked everyone in the outer office and then asked to speak with me privately.

Inside my office, he took both of my hands in his and asked me if I would allow him to pray with me. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to this man, a stranger, praise God for having prompted him to stop into my office. He thanked God for me; he asked God to continue to place me in the path of people who need my help; he told God to continue to use me as his instrument; to continue to allow me to minister, not just in the finance office, but in the community. He said that when he entered the office he was scared and afraid and he felt alone and hopeless and that because of my actions, he was leaving renewed and restored and secure in the knowledge that God still listens to prayers and offers aid in remarkable ways. He mentioned the angels and he called me “one of God’s earth angels”. It was beautiful.

In other words,God met me half-way with something glorious that I would never have imagined for myself. Depression lifted. Joy inserted.

It was as if the Lord, Himself, stood right in front of me and said, “Yes, daughter, you ARE worth it. You ARE appreciated. You ARE loved. You ARE doing exactly what I expect of you. I love you. I love you. Carry on.”

And so I will.

winners_never_quit

 

 

 

 

 

Poised & Pleased

Contrary to popular belief, poise is not something that is learned in acting or charm school. Rather, genuine poise is the natural outgrowth of a balance inner nature. When our inner nature is balanced, we never lose our composure.

Love in Heaven

Dear Child:

I heard you yesterday.  You weren’t directly speaking to me but I heard your heart. 

I see you.  I feel you.

I know you work with a smile on your face when you would rather be covered up, floating in a puddle of tears.  I know your heart feels like it’s pulling apart.  I know there are unanswered questions and so many things you do not understand.  I understand you can’t comprehend why those close to you behave the way they do.

Rest assured, little one, I have a much better vantage point. 

Rest in the fact that I can see the entire picture.

Your only job is to remain poised in my love for you and you are succeeding in this task.

I am well pleased.

I love you.  You are not alone.

God.

©2011, BAC


POISE

An Angel Reminder:  Poise is a natural effect of living in angel consciousness.

Poise is the quality to cultivate if you want to have more stability and confidence in your every day life.  A poised manner exudes dignity and promotes peace.  Contrary to popular belief, poise is not something that is learned in acting or charm school.  Rather, genuine poise is the natural outgrowth of a balance inner nature.  When our inner nature is balanced, we never lose our composure.  Instead, we remain calm in mind and manner, no matter what the situation.  Poise also has another meaning:  to be suspended in a state of readiness for action.  When we are poised, we are balanced both mentally and physically, at peace with but completely aware of our surroundings, able to reason and respond with thoughtfulness, clarity, and quickness of mind and body.

Wake up in the morning and decide that you will remain poised throughout your day.  Write a declaration stating that regardless of the insanity around you in the world, regardless of the unhappiness, anger, and instability of the outside illusions,  you will remain calm and centered and never lose your poise.  As the angels to help remind you that each time your poise is threatened you must go back to your center of calmness and breathe deeply.  Any action taken when we are calm, poised, and conscious of the angels will be the right action.

An Angelic Reflection:  I will practice the art of poise in my everyday life, knowing that a calm center keeps the angels close to my heart.

(Angel Wisdom:  Terry Lynn Taylor & Mary Beth Crain.  © 1994 Harper-Collins)


From The Angels:

self-acceptance Self-Acceptance: You are a perfect child of God, and every part of you is wonderful. Your angels guide you to let go of negative self-judgments and to enjoy being you!

“You are much too hard on yourself,” your angels say to you through this card. Although you enjoy having high standards, it’s important to view yourself through loving eyes. Berating yourself only makes your spirit sink. Self-improvement comes from a positive mind-set.

See yourself through your angels’ eyes, and you will see someone who is a perfect and holy child of God. Although you have made mistakes in the past, there is nothing that you could have ever said, thought, or done that would change God’s love for you. The angels see past your surface mistakes; they see the beating heart of God’s love within you. They love you unconditionally, and they ask you to love yourself in the same way!

intention Intention: Your intentions create your experiences. What do you intend to happen? Make sure that your thoughts and feelings reflect your true intentions.

By drawing this card, the angels ask you to take an inventory of your expectations. What do you expect to happen today, tomorrow, or in the future? These expectations are the seeds of your intentions. An intention means that you have set a goal and intend to achieve it.

Your intentions drive your experiences. The angels ask you to choose and infuse your intentions with love. See yourself and others as happy, successful, and peaceful. By holding these spiritually minded intentions, you help yourself and others. The angels can help you replace negative mental habits with more empowering thoughts, if you ask for their assistance.

image Support:  God, the angels, and all who love, protect, and guide you are watching over you right now. When you take time to communicate with God and the angels, they are able to pour out power and strength into our lives.

This card reassures in the multitude of anxious thoughts within you. Divine love comforts you. They will comfort you with the energy of Divine love.

If you ever feel doubtful about your ability to help others, ask the angels to help you release these fears.

 


John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Ephesians 6:10-17

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 

In this quiet moment,

Still before your throne,

Conscious of your presence,

Knowing I am known.

In this quiet moment,

Set my spirit free!

In this quiet moment,

Make a better me!

St. Ignatius Loyola – 16th century

Angelic Musing

Miracles should inspire gratitude, not awe. You should thank God for what you really are. The children of God are holy and the miracle honors their holiness, which can be hidden but never lost.

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Prayer is the medium of miracles. It is means of communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed.

Miracles should inspire gratitude, not awe. You should thank God for what you really are. The children of God are holy and the miracle honors their holiness, which can be hidden but never lost.
“Dearest Child:

Why are you hiding your joy from the rest of the world?

So many times of late you have been inspired by the spirit to create, yet you allow matters of the physical world to rob you. By the time you return to try to recapture the original feeling, the inspiration is gone.

Which is the more surprising to you? Is it the fact that we announce you as a creative being or the fact that as a simple being, you are divinely inspired?

We wish to remind you that inspiration is fleeting and must be seized as it arrives. While it may arrive in the simplicity of: an inner prompting to call a friend, an urge to clean off the front porch, an inclination to drive across town, put on a favorite song, send a card, surprise a relative or simply to let an irritation go by without incident; it is to be honored as gift.

True inspiration is not solely reserved for those your world reveres as, ‘the great minds’ although it is soul-fully reserved. True inspiration occurs when your spirit is freely connecting with the Universe.

Everyone on your earth receives divine inspiration, especially you! Each of you is a creation of the One who is love. You are a unique being.

Hear our call: True reverence is not reserved for the honorees of grandiose inspiration; it is for those who listen and heed what the heart dictates. Love created only ONE of you.

Be contemplative. Why would Love create only one of each being in the world were it not to do with creative inspiration?

Ambiance in your every day life is not a frivolity; it is necessity. You were created to live in beauty. Look thee only to the sun and the stars and the sky; to the lush greenery of grass and trees and to the majesty of the large creatures of the sea, to the highest mountains, to the sparkle of the fireflies in the evening and the song of the birds announcing day break. Your world was created out of His love for you as inspiration for you.

We wish to help you with your projects large and small; yet we may not be recognized in your home if your mind, body and spirit are cluttered.

Therefore our message to you this day and every day remains, ‘keep your corners clear & heed all inspiration’. You have joy to share with the rest of your world despite the fact you may not choose to believe. The first step in claiming this joy is to clear your corners. Do not fall into belief that corners are merely in the physical. Heart and mind and body and soul can have cluttered corners as well.

Remember ASK and we shall rush to your aid.

Reach out! Reach up! Express the joy you carry within through honor of inspiration. You will find us there always.

We are your angels, sent forth to bring you love.”
(©Bobbe Ann Crouch, circa, @2009)


…No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:10-12


From the Angels:

listening Listening: It’s easy to get busy in life trying to do everything at once. You can listen and work at the same time but sometimes multi-tasking isn’t the best use of our time. Sometimes we have to stop, look people in the eyes, and give them the gift of listening.

We need to take time to deposit value in their hearts. We need to support one another, and listening is an amazing way of doing just that.

As you go about your day, the angels remind you to give people the gift of listening. It seems like such a little thing, but those little deposits will eventually make a big difference. When you make deposits in people, you are making deposits in eternity, and that is what pleases the heart of God.

truth-intergrity Truth & Integrity: You have the strength to stand strong in the midst of difficult situations, and the wisdom it takes to make good decisions. If something in your life isn’t working, be willing to release it to God and the angels.

Understand you are important, and know that you are called to add value to the world around you. No matter where you are in life today, you have potential to increase, grow, to be strengthened, and to move forward. God created you for His good purpose and you are His masterpiece!

children Children: Children are a tremendous blessing to us, but they are also a tremendous responsibility that God has entrusted to us. As parents, we have been entrusted to nurture, train, teach and prepare our children for life.

Are you taking time to invest in your children? And if you don’t have any children, how about your nieces and nephews? We all have things that we’ve learned: skills, talents, life experiences, wisdom. You have a responsibility to transfer what we know to the next generation. When you invest in somebody else, you will continue to live on. Your life can have influence for generations to come if you will take time to invest in people. The only way this is going to happen is if you are taking time to invest in them. If you are not careful, you will substitute activity for attention. Understand, your children need you more than they need another activity.

The best legacy is not what you leave for people. It’s what you leave in people. You have a wealth of knowledge that God has entrusted you with. You are not supposed to keep that to yourself. You should be passing that on to somebody else. You have a responsibility to transfer what we know to the next generation. If you need guidance all you need to do is ask, we are always here for you.


 

Dearest God:
Forgive me for the times that I act like a child. I think my concerns are more important than those of others. I’m sorry for the times I thought I had it rough, not knowing that somewhere else in the world, some else is truly going without, someone else has just seen their parents executed, someone else is being held captive for no other reason than his/her beliefs or ethnicity. Help me to remember that you always have my highest good in sight and that I really do not know what’s best for me. Help me to pray better. Help me to be a better sister in my own tiny family and also in the family of humanity.

I recognize my Blessings and I thank you. Help me always to be more open to your miraculous ways. Help me to remember that if I stay open and let you lead, all will be well.

May you continue to Bless all of us and work on our hearts as you see fit.

Amen.

 

Church Lady Woes

In a nano second my mind wandered away, thinking about how much I love my work and the many positive experiences I get to have while working in a church that isn’t of my denomination.

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This morning before I got out of bed, I laid there in an attempt to pray. I was lying there asking God to take care of my loved ones and to keep everyone happy, healthy and secure. Also I was seeking help on my current employment situation. (I am just not sure I am supposed to be where I am any more.)

In a nano second my mind wandered away, thinking about how much I love my work and the many positive experiences I get to have while working in a church that isn’t of my denomination. I am Catholic. I work for a liberal Baptist church. Their hands are in everything imaginable and it’s a beautiful thing to witness and on occasion, to get to be involved in.

What has always interested me about this job is what goes on behind the scenes. Growing up a Catholic girl, I only experienced Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation Masses, funerals and Weddings. Aside from the one time as an adult that I joined a new church, I don’t recall ever setting foot inside a church office.

(Wait. There was one other time where I visited a favorite Priest to talk with him about my experience with The Blessed Mother and the Angels. That was a lovely experience I will talk about another day.)

The point is that I don’t think I ever thought about what goes into running a church. Who makes the decisions;how do things operate; how do the bills get paid; where does the money come from? Who steers the direction? Who decides what events to have, etc. Does “The church lady” really exist?

It is mind boggling. (She does exist, by the way, and she has lots of church lady friends.)

Catholics look to the clergy and the clergy have a very clear hierarchy. Most Catholic Churches have a Parish administrator who handles the business end of their affairs and there isn’t much wiggle room. This is not the case where I work. Everything done within my workplace is done by committee. One team handles personnel, another team handles, finances, another team handles worship, another team handles memorials and so on, and on, and on. Every three years the teams rotate.

For the most part everything works out just fine, but there are some years where the tides turn and I start to feel frustrated when things are done that I personally do not agree with. Usually problems occur when someone appears to be acting out of ego instead of what’s in the best interest of the church. This is where I am right now. I don’t like ego-driven anything especially when it interferes with my work happiness.

For the first time I find myself seriously questioning whether or not I am in the right place. It makes me sad.

Returning to my prayers with apologies to the Lord for being so distracted, I hear in my heart:

Dear Child:

Be still and know that I am near. You will hear my direction when your heart is clear and the time is right. For now, offer your best in all that you do. Do take better care of your temple. In this, you will find your joy.

Breathe in. Fill yourself with my love. It is there.

All is well.

God.


Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  Matthew 6:25-34


From the Angels:

divine-timing Divine Timing: Change can be fast, yet keep in mind the importance of patience and Divine timing, developing a trust in the unseen mysteries of spirit working in your life.

The more that you can approach your own shifting with loving kindness, the smoother your road of change will be. On some days it may still feel like a roller coaster ride, yet your self-love can help you to have the necessary steadiness within.

Pay close attention to doors that are open to you. As you continue the journey of rediscovering your Divine nature, angels surround you with their love and blessings.

imageHealing: The highest purpose of your healer guides is to restore your self-awareness and self-esteem as children of God and help you accept the love and unlimited blessings that God grants you.

Opening your heart and mind to your worthiness is the best healing of all.

harmony Harmony: Strife, confusion and conflict be gone. A difference of opinion has clouded your thoughts.

If you change your focus and look for the common ground of peace, you can bring harmony into your relationships again.

You know that one of the most powerful ways you can fight for your relationships is to be a peacemaker? Beloved child of God, you are a peace-lover at heart. You are bringing unity into your relationships.

Focus and look for the common ground of peace, you can bring harmony into your relationships again, you become an Earth angel. Remember, God and the angels tells us that blessed are the peacemakers. When we dwell together in unity, we honor God and open the door for His hand of blessing in every area of our lives!


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Life is a tapestry: We are the warp; angels, the weft; God, the weaver. Only the Weaver sees the whole design.

 

Scattered Showers & Thunderstorms.

Wouldn’t it be nice if when in the midst of a struggle, we could stop, hit the rewind button and remember that all things happen for a reason and we are never EVER ill-equipped?

lightning

“Scattered Showers and Thunderstorms.” For some reason it seems appropriate for me to head my page with this little phrase. How often have we ALL heard the weather man announcing this forecast!?

I feel like this is where I am right now in life. LOL. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on things much more than I’ve allowed myself time for over the past several years and it’s wonderful. What’s interesting is that most of my friends are doing the same thing. The revelations that come when we look back on our lives and realize exactly how we’ve come through certain struggles with relative ease, are fantastic. It doesn’t seem that way while we are going through it, but years (or even months) later, it’s almost always evident that we had all the tools we needed, we learned important lessons about ourselves, and it wasn’t as hard as we made it out to be.

Most often I find that the lesson in all of my conquered struggles is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. My intuition never fails me and usually if I am having trouble in my life it’s because I’m fighting against what I know in my heart to be correct. Isn’t this where ALL of our issues come from?

Wouldn’t it be nice if when in the midst of a struggle, we could stop, hit the rewind button and remember that all things happen for a reason and we are never EVER ill-equipped? Next time you think you are going through something hard, stop and ask yourself what part of the situation is within your control and what part of the situation isn’t. If it’s within your control, do something positive to provide some form of remedy; even if it’s changing your thoughts about it. The part of it that is not within your control gets given to God with lots of advanced gratitude.

Right this very minute I have that familiar pang of something not being quite right pulling at my heart. It’s an issue that is beyond my control, so I’ve given it over to God. In this case, since it’s beyond my control, the only option is to let it go and give it to God knowing that He can and will heal this situation in a magnificent way.

What’s on your plate right now that you can give to God in order to lighten your load? I’m willing to bet there is something. How much lighter can you make your heart by clearing some of the cluttery things that don’t need to be there?


From The Angels:

signs Signs: You have asked for a sign from your angels. Pay close attention to everything going on around you scents, color, objects. Be aware of the messages they are trying to alert you … notice sounds, objects.

You’ve asked for heaven to help you. This card signifies that your angels are trying to get your attention with signs.

They are trying to make contact with you.

harmony Harmony: Strife, confusion and conflict be gone. A difference of opinion has clouded your thoughts.

If you change your focus and look for the common ground of peace, you can bring harmony into your relationships again.

You know that one of the most powerful ways you can fight for your relationships is to be a peacemaker? Beloved child of God, you are a peace-lover at heart. You are bringing unity into your relationships.

Focus and look for the common ground of peace, you can bring harmony into your relationships again, you become an Earth angel. Remember, God and the angels tells us that blessed are the peacemakers. When we dwell together in unity, we honor God and open the door for His hand of blessing in every area of our lives!

divine-timing Divine Timing: Change can be fast, yet keep in mind the importance of patience and Divine timing, developing a trust in the unseen mysteries of spirit working in your life.

The more that you can approach your own shifting with loving kindness, the smoother your road of change will be. On some days it may still feel like a roller coaster ride, yet your self-love can help you to have the necessary steadiness within.

Pay close attention to doors that are open to you. As you continue the journey of rediscovering your Divine nature, angels surround you with their love and blessings.


Today’s Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Enlighten what is dark inside me, most especially my faith and trust in You. Help me to conquer the sometimes irrational fears that creep into daily life. Help me to know that I need not concern myself with how things will work out, but rather that through you all things will work out the way they are intended to.

My job is simply to love others as I would have them love me and to honor You in all that I say and do.

Thank you in advance for all that you do.

Amen.

Baubles & Blessings. Trinkets &Tears.

In a perfect world, life would be fair on all counts, yet, it’s not…

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This is actually a repeat of a blog I did years ago. It could have been written yesterday as things are still the same. I am leaving it here because a lot of you do not know my whole background. Rather than tell the entire long, boring story, this is a little snippet of what I sometimes experience when I visit with the parents on Thursdays.


In getting used to writing regularly again, I’m finding myself ready to talk about more personal things. For a time I held back,  unsure I should be revealing the total truth. Today, I feel like who really cares what anyone thinks, provided I’m speaking my truth and I always do.

I have spoken a little about going to visit my mother and how it’s been a Blessing in my life to reconnect. Today I visited again and we laughed and joked and talked about old times. We talked about my writing my book, (and of course, she has her ideas about what I should write about).

It was a bit hard towards the end of our visit when she accidentally shared with me that she’s all ready given most of my Grandmother’s jewelry and hers too, to my daughter and sister. Although, I am not one who is really interested in material things, it was hard to hear this today, feeling like I’d been passed over as “non-existent”. Still, I tried to be cheerful when she related how my daughter always gets her way; how even though C. doesn’t usually wear jewelry, she’s managed to conquer most of the best pieces. I tried to make a few nice comments, “I’m glad for her. It’s nice that she’s finally wearing nice things…” It was a struggle for me. All my heart could feel was, “Why doesn’t anyone in this family ever think about me?”

I guess my Mom saw me struggling unsuccessfully to be cheerful. I had a smile on my face but I was wishing I could run out of there to bawl my eyes out. It’s not about the “stuff” for me at all. It’s about being forever treated like I am not a true member of the family. It’s about being consistently last.

My Grandparents were the most special people in the world to me. I was actually the closest one to both of them, but Mom either doesn’t remember this or she’s chosen not to care. It is devastating to me at times, but I always put on a brave face.

I could see in my Mom’s expression that she was kicking herself for having said what she did. She didn’t intend to hurt me and I know she felt an immediate need to make up for it. So she forced me into the room where the jewelry safe has always been and she wouldn’t look at me, knowing I had tears streaming down my face. She forced me to stand there while she opened it, trying to attempt to save my feelings, saying, “there isn’t much left, but you can pick too”.

I don’t fault her for anything yet, it really hurts to know that I wasn’t even thought of when this distribution took place. I guess she she did what she thought best. I WAS gone for three years, after all.

Still it hurts. In a perfect world, she’d have given what she wanted to and saved the balance for us to share equally. This is what she did when my Grandmother died and she was left everything. She said she could not possibly be at peace knowing she had a brother and sister who loved their mother as much as she did…and keep the things to herself. So she waited until my Grandfather died and then they drew straws and picked fairly.

There were things she didn’t get but I remember her telling me she was at peace because she “did the right thing”. I cannot help but wonder why she hasn’t used the same measure of balance for her own children and Grandchild.

It’s hard for me because I was the closest to my Grandparents. It’s hard for me because yesterday, I felt humiliated-like an after thought-when she forced me into the room to pick something. She forced two rings on me, which I am grateful for because they turned out to be things that have sentimental value for me; but by and large, I just wanted to run out of there.

This is a pattern in my family. Negative attention has always been fed and rewarded and that’s all I will say about that at this time.

I worked with my father for twenty seven years and in the end was left with nothing when he decided he needed the income and he sold our business. In fact, he gave my sister and daughter all of the equipment and furniture from my office. My daughter and sister have been allowed anything and everything they’ve wanted. Now all of this jewelry stuff.

I have a hard time understanding why things in my life have played out the way they have. In my heart, I have an idea, but it sure doesn’t take the pain away.

On the way home, through my tears, I kept hearing, “the meek shall inherit the earth”. I know it sounds crazy but this is what repeated over and over in my brain. I thanked God through my tears and shouted out that while I may not have the mementos, I have had the love and that means MORE.

Years from now I will remember these times with my Mom that are four uninterrupted hours, once per week, of solid visit time where we share openly and honestly. MOST times we giggle and laugh and other times I burst into tears and try to tell her how I feel. It won’t change the behavior, but at least I am able to express myself.

The Blessing in all of this is that she listens. How many people get to speak from the heart like this and have her mother actually HEAR? I don’t know. What I DO know is that this is what I’ve needed my entire life so yes, it’s worth way MORE than jewels and material possessions. I have her ear, her heart and her time and I’m saying things I want to say before she leaves this earth. In a few years, I’ll feel peace. My sister and daughter will still have the baubles, but I’ll have important memories..

It seems my lesson is almost always one of learning to shift one’s perspective in order to see the bright side of life. Believe me, it’s never easy to do, but the result is always a good one.

Count your Blessings. They ARE there.


From The Angels:

listening Listening: It’s easy to get busy in life trying to do everything at once. You can listen and work at the same time but sometimes multi-tasking isn’t the best use of our time. Sometimes we have to stop, look people in the eyes, and give them the gift of listening.

We need to take time to deposit value in their hearts. We need to support one another, and listening is an amazing way of doing just that.

As you go about your day, the angels remind you to give people the gift of listening. It seems like such a little thing, but those little deposits will eventually make a big difference. When you make deposits in people, you are making deposits in eternity, and that is what pleases the heart of God.

image Support: God, the angels, and all who love, protect, and guide you are watching over you right now. When you take time to communicate with God and the angels, they are able to pour out power and strength into our lives.

This card reassures in the multitude of anxious thoughts within you. Divine love comforts you. They will comfort you with the energy of Divine love.

If you ever feel doubtful about your ability to help others, ask the angels to help you release these fears.

truth-intergrity Truth & Integrity: You have the strength to stand strong in the midst of difficult situations, and the wisdom it takes to make good decisions. If something in your life isn’t working, be willing to release it to God and the angels.

Understand you are important, and know that you are called to add value to the world around you. No matter where you are in life today, you have potential to increase, grow, to be strengthened, and to move forward. God created you for His good purpose and you are His masterpiece!


Today’s Prayers

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. — Romans 5:1-2 (NIV)

 

Dear God:
I Can’t.
YOU Can.
Please Do.
Thank you.
Amen