Hope – Page 2 – My World (and recipes too)

Hauntings

Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

crying-eyes

Most people in my life are completely unaware (unless they are immediate family or have read my blogs for eons) that back in 2001 I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The diagnosis was made after I was assaulted that same year. I learned back then, that I had probably developed PTSD much earlier in life.

That being said, I consider myself fully recovered even though I am told it never goes away. I know this is true, because I have completely unexpected flare ups from time to time. I still consider myself recovered, however, because when the flares do appear, I recognize them and take the proper steps to get into the present moment.

Earlier this week I was blindsided by a situation at work where I felt someone was overstepping his boundaries. We were in an important meeting and he contradicted me several times over things he didn’t even have experience with. Throughout the day, he repeatedly incorrectly answered questions intended for me. At one point he swore I’d been given a certain list, when in fact, I haven’t and so on and so on. The entire scenario felt so ego-driven to me, it triggered a three-day long reaction.

My mind knew that he was acting partly on ego and that his intentions were probably to be helpful, not hurtful. Even so, my PTSD took me back to a time long ago where I felt belittled and betrayed and shamed. Immediately my heart-felt broken, as if none of the people I have come to love so much through my work place, really care about me at all. I sat on the couch that night feeling the familiar pangs of having the best of my intentions mocked as being fake and stupid and worse, that I had no one to go to for help.

Not a pretty place to be.

It’s taken three days to fight my way back to the truth. This was one incident in time with a person who wasn’t self-aware enough to realize he was over-stepping. I choose to believe his intention was to be helpful. I also believe his actions were ego-based, but I have to let that go and not dwell on it.

I make a conscious decision to affirm the following: It’s not true that people do not care about me; that is something from the past. It is a fact that I usually act from a place of purity. There is nothing fake about me. I am worthy. I should be treated with respect. I deserve to feel safe and protected. My mistakes in life do not define me as a failure of a person.

This morning I remembered a passage in one of my favorite books that talks about living according to old patterns that are no longer useful etc. It’s an excellent and thought-provoking little piece.

One doesn’t have to have PTSD to replay old tapes that do not serve any more. How many of us can remember and list every mistake we ever made, but we have trouble remembering the good things we’ve done?

HAUNTINGS

An Angel Reminder: It’s when we mistake memory for life that we get into trouble.

All of us live, to some extent, in haunted houses populated by the noisy ghosts of memory. Voices of parents, grandparents, old lovers may haunt us. Regrets for things done or left undone may dog us, filling us with guilt and freezing us in our tracks every time we try to get on with our lives. Unfortunately, the goblins and demons of the past often shriek and moan so loudly that we can’t hear the present. And so, without even realizing it, we live according to old patterns that are no longer useful, mistaking memory for reality and letting past mistakes destroy present possibilities. When we’re being haunted, it’s helpful to remember that our ghosts are as stuck as we are. They, too, would like to get a life, but they are compelled to repeat their tiresome patterns because they just don’t know any better. Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

Are you being haunted? If so, by what or whom? Are there regrets or past actions that you haven’t resolved, or people from the past who still hold you in their grip? How is this affecting your present life? Have you ever looked these ghosts straight in the eye? When we examine our ghosts, we realize that they really have no power over us, for we can see straight through them.

An Angelic Reflection: I make the distinction between past and present reality.

( “Angel Courage”, Terry Lynn Taylor and Mary Beth Crain, ©1999, Harper San Francisco)

From The Angels:

Serenity: You are moving into a time of greater inner peace and tranquility.

Peace of mind means feeling secure, and knowing that you’re always provided for. Even if your logical mind cannot fathom how a challenge could be resolved, peace of mind means that you trust that God will create a miraculous solution. This sort of faith is always warranted because faith is a key component in experiencing such miracles.

By drawing this card, the angels reassure you that peace of mind is within you. You can feel serene, even in the midst of great turmoil. It’s a mistake to think that you have to wait until your life is problem free before you can be happy and peaceful. The opposite is actually true. First, you work toward serenity, and then your life challenges lessen and disappear. Serenity is your natural state of mind, and the angels are now working with you to actualize this.

Retreat: Spend some time alone in quiet thought. Clear your mind, and focus on your truth and priorities.

Are you pushing yourself too hard, beloved child of God? The angels remind us that rest is a natural cycle in every living thing. Think of the mighty oak tree that grows in spurts and then rests. It draws its nourishment from deep within the earth, and takes its time before growing upward again. Like the oak tree, it’s important for you to nourish yourself with spiritual and emotional “food.”

While you are resting, take time to reflect on your heart’s true feelings and desires. Your angels speak to you through your heart, and when you listen to and honor your feelings, you walk hand-in-hand with God and the angels. You will know that it is true Divine guidance, and not just your imagination or wishful thinking if it speaks of your desire to make a difference in the world.

Emerging: Your true self-radiant, powerful, successful, and intelligent-is now shining through the surface. Allow your true self to be visible to others, for you lift them up and inspire them.

You are awesome in so many ways, and you are beginning to trust and reveal your true nature more easily. At one time, you may have believed that you had to hide your feelings from others (or even from yourself!). Now, however, you realize how vital and attractive expressing your authentic self is.

Your angels are guiding you to honor your true feelings by expressing them to yourself and others. The angels will help you lovingly talk about your feelings so that no misunderstandings occur with friends and loved ones. Your angels will never guide you to do or say anything that could hurt you or anyone else! They will also ensure that your life will emerge to a new level of inner peace as you let your true self come out and play.

Today’s Prayers:

As you leave this place
may the Living Lord go with you;
May he go behind you, to encourage you,
beside you, to befriend you,
above you, to watch over you,
beneath you, to lift you from your sorrows,
within you, to give you the gifts of faith, hope, and love,
and always before you, to show you the way.

benediction – blair monie

Divine Mother
Mother of the Universe
Bless us with peace
Within and without.

jalaja bonheim – 2000

Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake.
— Psalm 79:9 (NIV)

Fearless Hope

I hate feeling unsettled. One minute I am up and ready to take on the world and the next, there are things bubbling up and I’m screaming about nothing. It’s a precarious time for most all of us right now, especially in the USA where we are feeling an upheaval in our country with the upcoming election.

hope

I hate feeling unsettled. One minute I am up and ready to take on the world and the next, there are things bubbling up and I’m screaming about nothing. It’s a precarious time for almost all of us right now, especially in the USA where we are feeling an upheaval in our country with the upcoming election. It’s insane the amount of bickering and fighting going on. People who have been friends for years have parted ways because they do not agree on who should be President. The two candidates we have behave in deplorable ways. It’s a scary time for all of us, but for those of us who are ultra sensitive, it can be hard to get out of bed each day.

My husband and I cook for a church each Wednesday, a task I normally love and look forward to. This morning, I’m reaching for the strength to do it and to do it with a smile. I feel sad inside for a number of reasons. I have to keep repeating to myself, “This too shall pass.” I know it will. It always does.

There IS hope. We don’t HAVE to feel the effects of fear. For some, this is easier said than done, but it’s a matter of choice. I personally have no idea what is about to happen with the Government but I do know one thing…it’s up to me (and you too) to be diligent about praying for the people of our Nation and to ask God that our leaders begin to strip down to the heart for the good of this Country of ours. The time for greed is over. We’ve been seeing for some time now what greed is capable of doing and has done. I want no part of it.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my past walk with the Blessed Mother and today I went through my books trying to find the ones that helped me best to strengthen my faith. I ran across a meditation book called, “Medjugorje Day By Day” (by: Richard J. Beyer), and opened it to October 26. This is what is says at the top. It’s part of one of Mary’s messages to the world as given to the visionaries in Medjugorje back in the eighties.

October 26:

The Blessed Mother Speaks of Grace today:

“Dear Children, pray during this month. God has allowed me to help you every day with graces, in order to protect you from evil. This month is mine. I would like to give it to you. Pray and God will give you the graces that you ask for. I will support your requests.”

(© 1993 Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana)

During a time in my life when I most needed a hand to hold , Mary was there for me. I am here to tell you She is here now again, and She’ll help anyone who reaches out to Her.

Once upon a time she foretold what is going on in this country right now and I will never forget what She said. She said this country has been given the most and we have the least gratitude [of all countries] for it. She also said “God help the mother’s with young children”. For whatever reason, that one quote has always stuck with me. All She has asked of me or anyone is to return to putting God first in all of our ways. She doesn’t specify what religion because frankly, God is God, no matter what name we choose to use.

At a time in my life when I felt there was no human on earth in whom I could place my trust, I took a deep breath and made a promise to hold Her hand and go where She would lead me. She led me to a deep faith and belief that through God, ALL things are possible. She specified that there IS still time to change our ways and that through the prayers of many, a lot of terrible things have been averted. They still are and still can.

So I ask you all to join with me in praying for one another, not just America, but for all people of all Nations. Pray that God sends an army of Angels to seep into the hearts of those who supposedly lead and want to lead this country and that whomever ends up being the decision maker(s) begins to lead with his/her heart for the good of all. The fact is that none of us truly know, we only have opinions on who is supposed to be in charge.

WE ARE ONE. It’s time to take the one true stand we can all take. Begin and end your days on your knees in prayer. Ask that God take the lead and show us all the right way. Ask that God’s will be done, not ours.

It doesn’t fail. I can promise you this.

My love to all of you!

From The Angels:

Answered Prayer: Fear not, beloved one! Your prayers have been heard and answered.

All of your prayers are always answered. Sometimes you may not feel this way, because the answer comes in unexpected ways. Perhaps you receive an intuitive feeling or a new opportunity appears-or a book falls off the shelf. The angels answer our prayers very often by giving us ideas or information in these everyday ways.

By drawing this card, the angels request that you be extra observant. Notice everything that you hear, say, think, and feel. Be especially alert to help that comes to you, and be sure to accept that help. You do deserve this assistance, and many times God enlists people to act as Earth angels who bring you answers to your prayers.

Harmony: Conflict is resolved in a situation that was troubling you. Know that you deserve this peace and happiness, and accept it graciously.

Beloved child of God, you are a peace-lover at heart. This card comes to you as a sign of new harmony that dawns upon you. Let go of viewing the situation as troubled, and see yourself and others through the eyes of your guardian angels. In this way, you’ll look past the surface and see the beauty and light that eternally shines within everyone.

By shifting your viewpoint to the angelic perspective, you become an Earth angel. Holding an elevated viewpoint sparks miraculous healing in all of your relationships. Conflict drops away, revealing the clean and new truth about everyone and everything.

Study: Don’t let the pressures of life push those dreams down. Stir up those dreams. Shake off every disappointment and press forward. This is a new day. Get a new vision. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, you are going to keep pressing forward. This is an important time for you to learn new ideas or skills.

You are going to keep growing. You are going to keep learning. You are going to stay active. If you will stay passionate about life, knowing what your purpose is and being your best every day, God will pour out His blessings to you. Perhaps you feel guided to enroll in a class and this card confirms that feeling.

Make the choice to keep your dreams in front of you. Remember, you have a purpose. You have a destiny. You were created to make a difference to impact our society to make this world a better place. You are being guided to enroll in class, continue your education.

mary

Today’s Prayers:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee

Blessed art thou among women

and Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Mistaken Identity

Growing up I was one of the kids always picked last in gym class. Although I remember cringing sometimes, most of the time I just did not care. I wasn’t a particularly uncoordinated kid or overweight or weak. My issue was being afraid to really try for fear of making a fool out of myself, which in itself was kind of funny, since I spent most of my time purposefully making people laugh. No one tortured me or made huge fun of me either. They just didn’t want me on their team. Fine.

I was not put in honor’s classes or even among the smartest of my class all the way through high school and into my first year of college. I can’t remember ever feeling hugely inferior, but I do remember being irritated always being in the mid level groups, but not irritated enough to do anything about it. I’m not even sure I realized there was something I could do about it.

Long about sophomore year in college, I took a sociology class, taught by a highly unconventional professor. Although I cannot remember the details, I remember how infuriated my classmates used to be in this class. They couldn’t understand his methods. He didn’t follow a lesson-plan. He didn’t test us. He required us to write papers about odd topics. What amused me most was that I understood exactly what he was trying to do, from the very beginning. I sat there, day in and day out listening to him speak, wishing I could stand up to say to my classmates, “Just hold on…eventually what he’s doing will make sense to you.”. The first time I wrote a paper for him, I received an A+. The second time I wrote a paper for him, I received an A+ and so on. I couldn’t believe it. One of the by-products of taking his class was the realization that if I knew who my audience was, I could really write. I started applying this to my other classes. It worked every time. Before I turned around twice, I was a straight “A” student.

Who? ME?

The key, I believe, was in my applying myself. How many of us used to get the report from parent-teacher conferences: “Does not work to full potential”, “failure to apply oneself”. I never knew what that even meant until college.

Junior year in college, I was looking for an easy credit to take for my P.E. requirement so I took, “Walking”. (I fig ured I already had a jump on this one since I’d learned to walk early in life.) Imagine my chagrin when it turned out that this was one of the tougher classes I’d ever taken. Ha, the joke was on all of us looking for an easy “A”. We were tested every week on anatomy, physiology, health, fitness, nutrition etc. In addition to this we were required to do “timed” walks several miles a day, right from the very first day. Again, I made a shocking discovery: I liked to finish first. By then end of this class, I was actually running five miles each period and because I enjoyed “winning”, I was pushing myself harder and harder. No one scored higher than I did. No one went faster than I did.

What’s the point? I grew up thinking I wasn’t athletic. I always knew I had a quick wit, but I don’t think I ever realized just how capable and smart I could be until later in life. I don’t think anyone ever really put a label on me or threatened me in any way, but I definitely lived under a mistaken impression for a while.

I wonder how many of us are still living under a mistaken identity?

Today is a perfect day to reflect on the fact that we are all part of a consistent evolution.

What can you do today that you thought you’d never be doing in your life? What do you still want to do?

We’re not wearing concrete shoes, ya know. What are you waiting for?

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on discontent, because the Word says: “I have learned in whatever state (circumstances) I am, to be content.” (Philippians 4:11)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on unworthiness, because the Word says: “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on confusion, because the Word says: “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14)

Prayer for Today:
Each day is a blessing
of epic proportions.
I give thanks for
what might seem meager comforts:
real cream in my coffee,
a day without a bill in the mail,
the Paso Doble.
Sometimes life is a dance
a woman has to do backwards
pushing against the wind
and obstacles in the way.
Thank You for being the partner
who always leads.
-Ruth Williams

Reflection Imperfection.

Isn’t it funny that sometimes when a person is all ready feeling low, self punishment can come into play? We think we are comforting ourselves, but in reality, we are doing the opposite. So I will just own the fact that …

yellowsprite2

As I stated yesterday, I wasn’t in a very good frame of mind for a Monday. (I usually love a Monday–clean slate and all that good stuff–but not yesterday.) This morning again, I wasn’t feeling my best self, but I DID force myself to get in the kitchen and make my two shakes for the day. Both of them today are plant-based protein from Usana.com. I added a couple of strawberries, a tiny bit of banana, a couple of raspberries, some aloe juice & a dash (just a dash) of honey. I have to say they are not the best tasting things on the planet but they do fill me up. Usually after the first day, I adjust nicely and best of all, any and all cravings go away. The other benefit is that this stuff is so expensive, I wouldn’t dream of cheating!

Still even having accomplished this small task, I felt a bit sad. Of course, I know why. For whatever reason I am NOT doing the things I know I need to do in order to feel emotionally balanced. Typically, the first thing I need to do in the morning is sit quietly to write in my prayer journal. Today I sat right next to it; I stared at it; I contemplated it; but I didn’t write in it. Instead, I ran off to figure out what to wear today.

I arrived at work this morning and as I was running around opening the office, turning off the alarms, turning on the phones, etc. I stopped at the front desk where I found a small piece of white paper. I picked it up prepared to throw it in the garbage, but when I turned it over I discovered the following:

A Prayer For Today:

This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good, but what I do today is important because I am exchanging a DAY of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain and not loss; good and not evil; success and not failure, in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.

Amen

I stood there reading it knowing darned well this was a not-so-subtle message from above. This is relevant to me because yesterday afternoon as I sat there on the couch, I felt depressed, defeated, drained and sad. Of course I did. I didn’t do a thing to improve my mood. In fact, I did the exact opposite and what for? Self sabotage? Self punishment?

Isn’t it funny that sometimes when a person is all ready feeling low, self punishment can come into play? We think we are comforting ourselves, but in reality, we are doing the polar opposite. So I will just own the fact that on the way home yesterday we stopped at McDonald’s and ate Mcdoubles and french fries. (I feel so dirty saying this!) This is almost unimaginable to me. We NEVER eat fast food; and I mean not EVER. Who’s idea was it? Mine.

Message received loud and clear, God. I will not exchange another day of my life for a minute’s worth of unhealthy behavior. I will use this day for good. I will succeed and I will not regret the price I paid for it.

Amen. Amen. Amen. (and thank You!)

More tomorrow.

take-the-step

Church Perks

This popped up in my memories today and it’s just the thing I needed to read. I love how the Universe works this way. ❤

Very often when least expected, God sends a messenger.

People are shocked when they learn that I suffer tremendously with internal issues of self-worth. Because of this I am nearly always questioning myself. “Did I do that well enough?”; “Am I on the right path?”;”Does anything I do even matter?”;”Does anyone even care about me, really?”;”Am I doing enough?”;”What is wrong with me?”. I could go on and on.

I say people are shocked when they learn this, because I present myself as the exact opposite. Most people who know me think I am the most confident person around and they would never dream that inside, very often I am a mess.

When depression attempts to pull me under, I go on the offense; slapping the fake smile on, forcing myself to “go the extra mile”, etc. I have learned through years of practice that when I am successful with my efforts, God always meets me half way with something glorious. This is what carries me through.

The other day I was in my tiny office in the back of the church when I heard an African man talking to the ladies at the front desk. First of all, I love that accent, so my ears perked up when he started talking.

He had been to a ministry several blocks away from our location in order to receive financial assistance with his rent. As he told his story, I could tell he was very upset. He explained that he understood we are not affiliated with them, but as he was driving by the church, he felt compelled to come inside to talk through it.

Apparently, over a month ago he’d been granted financial assistance (by the other ministry) with his rent so he thought everything was fine. However, when he retrieved his mail that morning, he found an eviction notice. Fearful, he jumped in the car and went back to the Ministry, only to be treated as if he’d never been there.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not the one who handles people who walk in the office for help, but on this day, because of the dire situation, I felt compelled to intervene. So I went out, introduced myself, asked for his paperwork, told him to have a seat, and went back to my office to call the person who leads that Ministry. As it happens, in addition to my part-time work at the church, I also do the finances for the Ministry in question.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in such things.

After a few back and forth calls, it was determined that his file had been misplaced and indeed, the payment for his rent had not been made. A few more calls were made, including one to his Landlord, who accepted the explanation and agreed to wait to receive the past-due rent and I was able to walk back out and tell him his situation was remedied. By this time, hours had passed, and this poor man who had been in the office so upset and nervous finally had relief. He thanked everyone in the outer office and then asked to speak with me privately.

Inside my office, he took both of my hands in his and asked me if I would allow him to pray with me. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to this man, a stranger, praise God for having prompted him to stop into my office. He thanked God for me; he asked God to continue to place me in the path of people who need my help; he told God to continue to use me as his instrument; to continue to allow me to minister, not just in the finance office, but in the community. He said that when he entered the office he was scared and afraid and he felt alone and hopeless and that because of my actions, he was leaving renewed and restored and secure in the knowledge that God still listens to prayers and offers aid in remarkable ways. He mentioned the angels and he called me “one of God’s earth angels”. It was beautiful.

In other words,God met me half-way with something glorious that I would never have imagined for myself. Depression lifted. Joy inserted.

It was as if the Lord, Himself, stood right in front of me and said, “Yes, daughter, you ARE worth it. You ARE appreciated. You ARE loved. You ARE doing exactly what I expect of you. I love you. I love you. Carry on.”

And so I will.