The Infallible Vantage Point of God.

Here is today’s offering in conjunction with the angels. We don’t know what’s going on but God does.

Think back to a time in your life when you were absolutely certain that you needed a particular thing so much, you did nothing but think of it day and night. For some of us, once upon a time we had a mad crush on a particular person. We were one hundred percent certain that if that person didn’t return our love and adore us back, we would surely die.

Now give some thought to an issue you might have once had. You tried so hard to make whatever it was work, but no matter what you did, you hit a brick wall. Maybe it was a relationship that you tried too hard on. Maybe it was a job that you weren’t happy in, but you needed the money and you were afraid to take a chance on what you really wanted to do.

Do you recall what happened with all of these things? Really think on it. Can you look back and possibly see and realize that what you wanted for yourself at the time, wasn’t really what was best for you? Further, that despite your best efforts to force whatever it was to happen, it didn’t; and what came in it’s place was something that was infinitely better.

If I look back at my own life I can point to some hilarious examples, BUT instead of picking a funny one, I will focus on a profound one. The very best one has to do with the fact that I worked (unhappily) for twenty seven years in our family-owned accounting/business management firm. I can no longer count the number of tears I shed back then, feeling that I was hopelessly tethered to a job I hated and that I wasn’t good at.

When my father announced at the end of 2007 that he was selling the business and there would be no place for me in the sale, I was torn between complete peace and utter fear. I had never done anything else in my life. I had worked myself from answering phones to “girl Friday”, to computer operator; then to Office Manager all the way to Vice President of the firm. I should have felt very angry to be cut out-I was in fact, a shareholder.

YET. I. FELT. FREE.

I took a couple of years off and when I was ready, I began the search for jobs again. It was hard because it was evident that the only thing I was trained to do was accounting. I had such anxiety about returning to the field that had made me so miserable for years. And so I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more, asking God to just lead me where I was supposed to be.

Just a few weeks into my search I ended up at the church where I still work today… again…in the position of finance. I remember getting in the car after my first day, bursting into tears. I was so fearful that I didn’t know enough to work there. My husband kept reassuring me that all would be well; I just needed to find my confidence and pray, pray, pray.

This was nine years ago and I am still in the same position at the church. I also do the finances for two other churches and a pretty large non-denominational community ministry—turns out, I’m pretty good at church finance. I also write for a magazine. I also own a fabulous catering company with my husband. I also have now have an enormous extended church family. —ALL of these unforeseen Blessings coming from my trust that God always knows better than me.

What you do not know: For my entire life I have wanted to be a minister, but I never told anyone. For my entire life I have wanted to be a published writer, but I never told anyone. For my entire life I have wanted to inspire people, but the one person I told laughed at me. For my entire life I have wanted to excel at something for which my parents would be proud. (At long last, they seem to be.) For my entire life I have wanted to feel at home in my own skin and also to feel that I am worthy of anything I can imagine. (Still a work in progress.)

Guess who knew what the contents of my heart actually were? Guess who knew what was best for me and lead me to it? God.

Had I not landed in that church, I doubt my other businesses would have been born. My writing job came from a piece I wrote about one of the co-Pastors of the church. Our catering came from cooking the Wednesday night Fellowship meals for the church. And oh yes, best of all, I DO get to minister in oh so many many ways!

So here I am asking you to hang tight at this time. Lean INTO your faith (or mine if you need it.) We really do not know what all of this pandemic stuff is about, but what we can control is our relationship with God and our faith and our love of humankind.

We cannot see what HE sees. Let’s continue to cultivate trust in Him and while we are doing so, let’s take care of one another. THAT we CAN do easily.

My love and prayers are with you ALL!

Bobbe

From the Angels:

Let go, and allow God and the angels to help you. Everything that you release will either be replaced by something better or will be returned to you healed.

When you hold on tightly to a part of your life that’s not working, it has no room to heal. Whether you’re unhappy with your love life, finances, career, home, or health, this card asks you to let go. If you hang on to these aspects of your life because of fears such as, “What if I can’t find someone or something better?” Then the situation will only worsen.

However, if you’re willing to open your hands and allow the situation to be freed, one of two situations will occur: Either it will be washed away from you and replaced by a better situation, or the situation will heal in a miraculous way. The angels ask you to try not to control the outcome of your troubling situation. Let go, and let God help you.

A new flow of support is coming to you right now. Ask the angels to help you release fears about scarcity so that you can enjoy this increased abundance.

Your messenger angels announce the arrival of an inflow of abundance coming your way. The source of all abundance is God, and you at some level had faith that the Creator would supply your needs. Your faith, even if it was small, triggered the abundance that is manifesting for you right now.

Keep your faith, as it will ensure a steady flow of support materially, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. A wonderful affirmation to help you stay in the stream of a steady flow of abundance is, “I accept good graciously into my life. All of my needs are met abundantly for me now and always.”

Fear not, beloved one! Your prayers have been heard and answered.

All of your prayers are always answered. Sometimes you may not feel this way, because the answer comes in unexpected ways. Perhaps you receive an intuitive feeling or a new opportunity appears—or a book falls of the shelf. The angels answer of prayers very often by giving us ideas or information in these everyday ways.

The angels request that you be extra observant. Notice everything that you hear, say, think and feel. Be especially alert to help that comes to you, and be sure to accept that help. You do deserve this assistance, and many times God enlists people to act as Earth angels who bring you answers to your prayers.

Today’s Prayer:

Dearest Lord,

Help us all to remember that just because the answer to our prayers hasn’t come to us directly and immediately, doesn’t mean You haven’t heard us or that answer is no. You have an infallible vantage point that we cannot comprehend, let alone imagine. You always know what’s best for us. Help us to trust that Your will for us is always better than anything we may think we need.

These are trying times for all of us, Lord. The things we are witnessing and experiencing these days seem surreal. In this day and age, how can a virus penetrate the entire world? How has this been allowed to happen? We may never understand, but You do and we trust in Your love and protection.

Today we ask for strength, perseverance, bolstered faith, courage and continued good health. We lift our prayers especially for every person who is in the frontline of this virus: healthcare workers, police, fire fighters, military, truckers, janitors, retail workers and anyone who has the job of caring for family, friends and clients. Please offer extra special strength to the parents who are separated from their children, the elderly who are isolated and the children who do not understand any of this.

Lastly for today, please help us to find ways to make the best of this situation. May we keep our good spirits and help our fellow humans wherever possible. Let us not lose our hope for You have taught us well that through You all things are possible.

We love you and thank you and in Jesus name we pray.

Amen

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. —Philippians 4:13

You Are Not Alone. I Want to Throat Punch People Too!

How many weeks has this been going on? I can’t even remember. Here is a little angel stuff to get you through your day.

Today I want to remind you that whatever your feelings are right at this moment, they are valid and you are entitled to feel the way you do. Boy, let me tell ya, my emotions are all over the map, but I am doing okay because I know that no one on earth has ever experienced what’s going on right now. Whatever I feel is what I feel and it will pass. The same is true for you. Give yourself (and your family members) grace at this time.

If you are anything like me right now, things that are ordinarily easy to look past, are glowing red and causing you to want to explode. Yesterday I was so busy at work I barely had time to look up, but when I did, I noticed that I was not myself. The frustration bubbling up inside me was almost immeasurable. In fact, a few times I had the instinct to just get in my car and go home.  LOL!

Lucky for me I work in a church (although if I were writing this yesterday I’d have said, OH MY GAWD, I HATE working with CHURCH people! ha ha) Late in the afternoon I was able to sneak across the parking lot to the church next door where I encountered some sweet ladies, one of whom is a Minster. We all sat down in the lobby, ten feet apart and just chatted for a couple of minutes about life and the fact that Easter is just around the corner. Anyone in the world who is presently part of a church staff understands that this uncharted territory we’re in right now. There is ten times more work happening right now than normally would be happening.

I laughed so hard when Mother Sweets (not her real name) told me that she was in her kitchen a few nights ago practically throwing pots and pans everywhere; anger had just bubbled up, she told us, and it was okay. Likewise she was saying that she would like to strangle people when they say to her, “You must be enjoying just staying home for a change.” That fantasy of relaxing at home isn’t happening in the lives of Ministers all over the world. No. They are learning new technology for online services, making endless lists of people who are in need, trying to figure out how to celebrate special Holidays like Easter without being together as a congregation, learning how to fill out paperwork for financial aid, worrying what will happen if people stop giving. The list is endless, just as it is endless for any other person in the world at this time. 

We are all walking through uncharted territory. The good news is that we are never alone.

The good news is that there IS good news out there. Just this morning I watched a news piece about a family that had recently experienced a death. Because funerals cannot happen at this time, their family and friends made a car procession through the deceased man’s neighborhood. His parents stood outside their home and as each car passed by, they threw flowers, let go of balloons, held up signs and blew kisses. It was beautiful to see. Sympathy was expressed through this loving act of kindness.  I cried when I watched it not because I was sad that they couldn’t have a funeral. No. I cried because the human spirit is a beautiful thing.

Where there is a will, there is a way and that’s what I want us all to focus on today. We cannot live our daily lives the same as we are used to, but we CAN always find inventive ways to carry forward….especially since we are ALL Blessed and loved by God.

With love to you!

Bobbe

You will search for me,
and when you search for
me with all your heart,
you will find me.

JEREMIAH 29:13

From the Angels:

Always keep in mind that if a message resonates with you strongly, it’s absolutely meant for you.

A clean slate is presented to you now as you encounter fresh opportunities and novel experiences.

Embrace the new in your life, including new opportunities, people, and projects. The angels know that change can be frightening, and they surround you now with loving energy. Call upon them whenever you feel afraid of facing novel situations. They will boost your confidence and energy so that you can enjoy your new beginnings.

Sometimes we cling to old routines because they are familiar. The angels ask you to be open to new approaches to life. Perhaps they will teach you a new way of looking at situations. Or maybe they will call on you to learn a new skill. Whatever the new beginning is for you, allow yourself to be stretched by the fresh circumstances. We learn about ourselves through new experiences.

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God, the angels, and the ascended masters who love, protect, and guide you are watching over you right now. You are not alone, and you are safe.

Be reassured that you are part of an awesome and powerful team of benevolent beings. They surround, guide, and love you constantly. If you are in danger, they will intervene with warnings or lifesaving measures. If you are afraid, they will comfort you with the energy of Divine love. If you are confused, they will whisper guidance in your ear.

You are being asked to talk to your angels and guides more frequently. Have mental conversations with them about everything, and you will soon see evidence of their existence. Soon, the angels will enlist you to help other people. If you ever feel doubtful about your ability to help others, ask the angels to help you release these fears.

Today’s prayer:

Oh Dear Lord,

Sometimes this life is sooooooo hard. I know I’ve said this a million times before, but maybe it was never so true as it is today.

Wait. I can hear you laughing (and it’s making me smile).

Let me start again.

Thank you Lord for the ability to change how I perceive things. I know that life is only as hard as I make it and that every hard time feels like it’s the worst it’s ever been. Challenges will always be present. Hard times will come upon us off and on throughout our lives, but we are to remember that you live in our hearts and it’s Your blood in our veins and that means we are part of the Divine and for Divinity, nothing is impossible, not even this.

I know that you have given us the tools we need in order to navigate through life and I thank you.

Please continue to Bless and keep those who land on this page as well as their friends and their families and my family too. May we all remain safe and of good and steady spirit as we make our way through this pandemic.

Bolster our faith, dear Lord. Help us to lean into you more. May we even take this time to strengthen our relationship with you, who offers us unending unconditional love.

In your Son Jesus name, I pray.

Amen

Click here to be taken to yesterday’s messages and prayers

Day Five. Faith and Intuition – Hand in Hand

News flash! I slept last night! Well, kind of. Okay…MUCH more than normal…at least three hours straight!

Since I wasn’t up all night, I didn’t get a head start on today’s blog so here I am a little late. Today seemed to last forever for me…so much work to do. Being that I work for multiple non profit agencies and all of them are applying for aid, I spent double overtime time glued to the numbers with the promise of tomorrow being a full day and evening of the same. The Blessing: I still have a job and I can still leave the house to work.

Tonight my head is splitting and my gut instinct is to figure out where my white sage is in order to drive the negativity out of and to purify the air in this house. At this point I know it’s time to start making my home more of a sanctuary-my own sacred space-and so this will be on the agenda for the next couple of days.

If you’re anything like me, feeling a bit depleted, know you are not alone. What always gives me comfort is to lean into my faith and listen to my intuition. Tonight this is telling me to sage the house and take the steps to care for my mental health. Looks like new candles and crystals are in my immediate future!

For now, I leave you with some angelic wisdom and today’s prayer. Know that there are better days ahead. Life is cyclic so soon enough, we will be back on top again. Keep praying and keep believing. All will be well!

With love, Bobbe

From the Angels:

You are asked to remember the healing power of faith. The Divine Healer and teacher, Jesus, frequently taught and demonstrated that with faith, all things are possible. Jesus and Archangel Raphael can boost your belief and trust if you’ve been struggling because of recent events. You can borrow their perfect faith to help you remember that everything really is in perfect order, even if appearances seem to contradict this spiritual truth.

You are asked to expect miracles in surprising and unexpected ways. Continually give your worries to God, and listen for inner guidance about which actions to take.

Trust and follow your intuition. It is God and the angels speaking to you.

Lean into your Divine Guidance right now. The gut feelings you have, the knowingness, the visions, or the inner voice are all trying to tell you something, and it is very important that you trust and follow this guidance.

Pay close attention to the message, “Have faith”, above. That message is intentionally delivered along side this one because the angels want to impress upon you that one is as necessary as the other. You are fully capable and supported in listening to and following your true intuition. What is it telling you right now? Close your eyes and breathe in the silence. What comes to your heart?

Today’s Prayer:

Dearest Lord,

You know that I have always known in my heart that we are all connected. YOU taught me this. It is so evident to me right now as I find that I am not sleeping well, my patience feels at a new low, my ears are continually ringing and I just—feel—drained.

Likewise, my intuition is continually telling me that the truth behind this “Covid-19 virus” just isn’t exactly as we are being told. While I cannot put my finger on it exactly, my hearts tells me there is more to this story and I feel that I am not alone in my feelings.

Jesus, there is nothing outside of your sight. You know the truth. You can see it ALL. I place my faith squarely on YOU as I know that at the present time, I am helpless to do anything but pray for my family and friends and for those who are leaders in this world.

Jesus please instill in me, my family and friends, and in all those who read this, the courage and the spirit needed to march forward according to the direction of our hearts, which are born of and remain connected eternally to YOUR perfect heart.

We can do ALL things, ENDURE all things, and GET BEYOND all things through YOU, who gives strength.

In your name Jesus, I pray. Please protect us all.

Amen.

P.S. from BOBBE:

Just now I uploaded this and went to check my email. I have belonged to a neat site for years that sends me daily spiritual messages. Look what was waiting for me tonight. Confirmation much? ❤️

Counting Your Blessings. Day Three.

Remembering that each day has its own Blessings attached.

Praise the Lord, who carries our burdens day after day; he is the God who saves us. Psalms 68:19 GNB

In the late nineties I used to host a very large weekly group chat that developed as a result of my then website, Trinity Angels. The site was all about -you guessed it- angels, and I posted something there just about every day. One evening during the group chat while discussing God’s Blessings, I got the idea of creating a “Blessing Box”.

Our Blessings Box was an actual box that I filled with a few meaningful (to me) items. The idea was that all of these items, including the box, were filled with my energy, love and prayers and when sent out, each recipient could add his/her energy, love and prayers to it too. While the box was in a person’s home, they were to pray for the special intentions of the people on the list. It would stay in place for one week and then would the be sent to another person on the list.

I invited people to sign up to be on the shipping list for the box; then I placed the list inside along with a diary and a pretty pen. Before mailing it out to the first person, I wrote my prayer for the people who would receive it next and included the simple instructions: 

  1. Keep the box in a prominent place in your home for one week and when you pass it, pray for the people who may receive it next.
  2. Take one item from the box to keep and replace it with something of your choosing.
  3. Write your prayers and reflections in the diary.
  4. Mail it off to another person (of your choosing) on the list.
  5. The last person who receives the box, mails it back to me.

Thirty years later I can still feel the joy that little project brought to all of us. It took half a year to make its way back to me, but when it did, the diary was full of the most loving sentiments, prayers and experience stories! Every single person had something profoundly beautiful happen as a result of the box. And they had added the most beautiful things too: dried petals from a Wedding bouquet, holy cards, old photos, feathers, crystals, Rosaries, even a gold angel pendant. The list is vast. New names had been added to the list as well, so after I included a new diary and some other items, I sent it on its way again. After some time, we lost track of it and it never returned, but to me, the project was a complete success. Thirty years later I still get weepy remembering that project.

Why did it work? First, because when I received the idea in my heart, I acted on it. Second and more importantly: because we infused that box with love and love, my friends, creates miraculous things.

We’re all in this pandemic together and it’s hard, but every day still comes with it’s Blessings. God is still speaking into our hearts. Making a Blessings box might not be the greatest thing to do at the present time, but I am willing to bet we can find other ways to share our love and Blessings with one another.

Go on. Give it a go. What ideas and inspiration are making themselves known to you?

From the Angels:

*Keep in mind that if this angel message speaks to you, it is absolutely meant for you today.

Pay attention to new thoughts and ideas that come to you. They are seeds of magnificent co-creations with God.

God speaks to you through your thoughts, and the angels want you to notice and follow the ideas you have recently received. These are answers to prayers for guidance, so please don’t count them as mere imagination.

The angels seek to give you confidence that you are just as capable as any other child of God. That is because all wonderful ideas originate from the one Divine mind of God. Since God is omnipresent, meaning everywhere, God is within you. So, God’s mind continuously expresses new thoughts and ideas right inside your mind.

The angels want you to know you have extra blessings around you right now. Perhaps you have recently experienced some challenges, or maybe you are currently seeking some extra help. Either way, the angels surround you now with more Divine love than ever. Additional angels are with you, giving you an added cushion of light and love.

Sometimes you may feel as if God and the angels have abandoned you. They are not gone and they cannot leave you ever. It is only your fear that makes us blind and mute to the presence of our angels. Yet your angels can lift away your fears if you will ask and then let them. You are truly blessed and very, very loved by God and the angels.

Today’s prayer:

Dearest Lord,

We know You are continually speaking into our hearts. Sometimes, especially right now during this frightening time in the world, we have trouble tuning in and hearing. Please help us to recognize your voice and when You offer us an idea, help us to act on it. Perhaps in addition to our prayers, you want us to write letters or make phone calls or even go out on the street to wave at strangers to make them smile. Whatever it is, please help us to discern that when it’s a loving thought, it’s definitely You and it’s definitely within our power to act on it.

Please dear Jesus be with those who are lonely, frightened, confused, financially burdened, isolated and/or sick. Heal them all and help those of us who are able bodied and well to have follow through on checking on those who may have special needs. Help us remember and honor that now is not the time to be embarrassed of our emotions or intentions. Instead, we know it’s time to rise up and be your instruments in whatever capacity we can.

Lord also be with those and give extra strength to those who are working tirelessly throughout this pandemic whose professions are too numerous to name.

Thank you, Dear Lord, for the Blessings of each day. One of the many Blessings of mine today is that the sun in shining. Stores may not have exactly what we need, but they have plenty to meet our needs and for this Blessing, I am grateful. Thank you too, that because of technology, most of us are able to feel a little closer to one another.

In your Son Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Click here to be taken to yesterday’s messages and prayers.

 

 

Day Two. Angels, Insomnia and Helpful Visitors.

We’re all reacting to this time in different but similar ways. Some of us aren’t sleeping well. Some are sleeping too much…anxiety prevails. What do the angels say?

The other day my mother told me that from birth forward I have never been a good sleeper. With this pandemic, it’s even worse than normal. (I don’t even want to bother thinking about how few hours I am getting.) I am sure it’s the same for others. Many are finding themselves either sleeping too much or not enough…and let’s not even discuss the snacking. (Last night I ate an ice cream bar. I am not even a sweets person. What’s that about?)

Though my job is not considered to be essential, I am still able to go to work mainly because I work alone. My schedule is the same as it has always been, I am still being paid, we have enough food and supplies, yet I am still awake at night trying to keep the anxiety at bay. Some nights are better than others and that’s okay. None of us have ever experienced anything like this. At a time when nearly all of us are uneasy, it wouldn’t make sense for me not to be picking up on all the feelings emoting through the atmosphere. I am certain others are too and if you are, know that you are not alone.

It’s nearing 4:30 AM. As I lie here in the dark pecking at this virtual keyboard, the thought of my Granddad Rodgers pops into my heart and I feel calm for a minute. I am reminded that in times of need, God allows our loved ones from the other side to offer us comfort and reassurance. My Granddad touches my heart to say, “I’m right here.” and I feel reassured that I’ll get through this. (If it’s God’s will, we all will.)

If you are like me, having trouble pushing the anxiety out, I invite you to think of someone you love who has passed on. Pull up a good memory of the two of you sharing a confidence. Close your eyes and remember each detail, but most importantly, how you felt in your heart. What would this person say to you right now? Know you are loved and never alone…and better…as much as this person loves you, God loves you infinitely more.

We WILL get through this and we’ll do it, together. ❤️🦋

Word from the Angels:

For those who don’t know me, I feel it’s important to explain that angels have been part of my life forever. (Yours too, actually.) They are messengers of God and humankind’s helpers and for the purpose of this blog, they serve sort of as a compassionate compass to help me in shedding light and comfort. Interesting that yesterday’s word was “Focus”. Reflecting back, I realize this is precisely what they enable me to do. Angels are my friends. I worship only God.

All that being said, today they lead me to…

You are not alone. This is a love letter from your guardian angels, who want you to know, “We’re right here. We have never left you and can never leave you.”

Your guardian angels say that you deserve their help and attention. There is nothing that you could have ever thought, said, or done that could ostracize you from your Divine helpers. They never judge or abandon you for the mistakes you make. They are simply here to support you so that you can grow spiritually in order to help others.

Your angels wish for you to recognize the fact that they are with you. While you may not feel them or see them or even hear them, they are present with you with every breath you take. God has tasked them with your care. Ask them to help you recognize their presence with you and then be open when they do.

Be open as well to allowing God to help you resolve your challenges in ways that will surprise you. You open the door for miracles when you become willing to surrender your fears to God. Visualize the angels carrying away the issue, and feel yourself supported by God’s wisdom and creativity.

As you relax into the Source, you are assured that blessings are surrounding you right now. They are. Think about this and take the time to count them and be grateful.

The Divine healer and teacher, Jesus, frequently taught and demonstrated that with faith, all things are possible. You may ask God and the Archangel Raphael to boost your faith and trust if you have been struggling because of recent events. You can borrow their perfect faith to help you remember that everything really is in perfect order, even if appearances seem to contradict this spiritual truth.

Be open. Continue to focus. Pray more. Know that you are covered in God’s love and grace.

Today’s Prayer:

Dearest Lord.

Try as I may, I am having issues with focus and letting go of fear. Though I feel my faith is steadfast and strong, sometimes during the day and especially at night, I feel afraid and uncertain. I worry about things like health, money, and security. Some of my fears are rational and some of them are wildly irrational. I need the help and healing that only comes from your Divine love. Please.

I miss my daily routine and I miss my regular social interactions with friends and family. It’s so hard to feel so isolated. It’s hard to worry about my kids and to know what’s right for them. Please give me the patience needed to be there for all of their needs. It’s also hard to keep being fed this steady diet of gloom and doom from the daily news. Please heal our world, Lord. We need you so desperately.

Please help strengthen my faith and my resolve, so that I can use my energy to keep healthy, to keep going and to help others.

Thank you for your Blessings, because even though I may not feel them, my heart knows they are there. Please help me to open myself more so that I might recognize the signs of your presence, as well as the presence of your Divine helpers and my loved ones who now live with you. Help me Lord, not to feel alone and to know that there is never a time or place that you are not near.

Please use me as your instrument and allow me to embrace my faith and your love as fully as is possible. I love you and I thank you.

In your son Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

From Bobbe:

If you are up during the night feeling anxious and you need someone to chat with, just leave a comment below. I will be notified and if I am awake and I usually am, I will come visit with you.

Likewise, if you have a specific prayer request, leave it below. I have plenty of time to pray with you and lastly if you have a question for the angels, I will help you with that too. We’re all in this together.

Love to all!

Church Perks

This popped up in my memories today and it’s just the thing I needed to read. I love how the Universe works this way. ❤

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Very often when least expected, God sends a messenger.

People are shocked when they learn that I suffer tremendously with internal issues of self-worth. Because of this I am nearly always questioning myself. “Did I do that well enough?”; “Am I on the right path?”;”Does anything I do even matter?”;”Does anyone even care about me, really?”;”Am I doing enough?”;”What is wrong with me?”. I could go on and on.

I say people are shocked when they learn this, because I present myself as the exact opposite. Most people who know me think I am the most confident person around and they would never dream that inside, very often I am a mess.

When depression attempts to pull me under, I go on the offense; slapping the fake smile on, forcing myself to “go the extra mile”, etc. I have learned through years of practice that when I am successful with my efforts, God always meets me half way with something glorious. This is what carries me through.

The other day I was in my tiny office in the back of the church when I heard an African man talking to the ladies at the front desk. First of all, I love that accent, so my ears perked up when he started talking.

He had been to a ministry several blocks away from our location in order to receive financial assistance with his rent. As he told his story, I could tell he was very upset. He explained that he understood we are not affiliated with them, but as he was driving by the church, he felt compelled to come inside to talk through it.

Apparently, over a month ago he’d been granted financial assistance (by the other ministry) with his rent so he thought everything was fine. However, when he retrieved his mail that morning, he found an eviction notice. Fearful, he jumped in the car and went back to the Ministry, only to be treated as if he’d never been there.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not the one who handles people who walk in the office for help, but on this day, because of the dire situation, I felt compelled to intervene. So I went out, introduced myself, asked for his paperwork, told him to have a seat, and went back to my office to call the person who leads that Ministry. As it happens, in addition to my part-time work at the church, I also do the finances for the Ministry in question.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in such things.

After a few back and forth calls, it was determined that his file had been misplaced and indeed, the payment for his rent had not been made. A few more calls were made, including one to his Landlord, who accepted the explanation and agreed to wait to receive the past-due rent and I was able to walk back out and tell him his situation was remedied. By this time, hours had passed, and this poor man who had been in the office so upset and nervous finally had relief. He thanked everyone in the outer office and then asked to speak with me privately.

Inside my office, he took both of my hands in his and asked me if I would allow him to pray with me. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to this man, a stranger, praise God for having prompted him to stop into my office. He thanked God for me; he asked God to continue to place me in the path of people who need my help; he told God to continue to use me as his instrument; to continue to allow me to minister, not just in the finance office, but in the community. He said that when he entered the office he was scared and afraid and he felt alone and hopeless and that because of my actions, he was leaving renewed and restored and secure in the knowledge that God still listens to prayers and offers aid in remarkable ways. He mentioned the angels and he called me “one of God’s earth angels”. It was beautiful.

In other words,God met me half-way with something glorious that I would never have imagined for myself. Depression lifted. Joy inserted.

It was as if the Lord, Himself, stood right in front of me and said, “Yes, daughter, you ARE worth it. You ARE appreciated. You ARE loved. You ARE doing exactly what I expect of you. I love you. I love you. Carry on.”

And so I will.

winners_never_quit

 

 

 

 

 

Hauntings

Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

crying-eyes

Most people in my life are completely unaware (unless they are immediate family or have read my blogs for eons) that back in 2001 I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The diagnosis was made after I was assaulted that same year. I learned back then, that I had probably developed PTSD much earlier in life.

That being said, I consider myself fully recovered even though I am told it never goes away. I know this is true, because I have completely unexpected flare ups from time to time. I still consider myself recovered, however,  because when the flares do appear, I recognize them and take the proper steps to get into the present moment.

Earlier this week I was blindsided by a situation at work where I felt someone was overstepping his boundaries. We were in an important meeting and he contradicted me several times over things he didn’t even have experience with. Throughout the day, he repeatedly incorrectly answered questions intended for me. At one point he swore I’d been given a certain list, when in fact, I haven’t and so on and so on. The entire scenario felt so ego-driven to me, it triggered a three-day long reaction.

My mind knew that he was acting partly on ego and that his intentions were probably to be helpful, not hurtful. Even so, my PTSD took me back to a time long ago where I felt belittled and betrayed and shamed. Immediately my heart-felt broken, as if none of the people I have come to love so much through my work place, really care about me at all. I sat on the couch that night feeling the familiar pangs of having the best of my intentions mocked as being fake and stupid and worse, that I had no one to go to for help.

Not a pretty place to be.

It’s taken three days to fight my way back to the truth. This was one incident in time with a person who wasn’t self-aware enough to realize he was over-stepping. I choose to believe his intention was to be helpful. I also believe his actions were ego-based, but I have to let that go and not dwell on it.

I make a conscious decision to affirm the following: It’s not true that people do not care about me; that is something from the past. It is a fact that I usually act from a place of purity. There is nothing fake about me. I am worthy. I should be treated with respect. I deserve to feel safe and protected. My mistakes in life do not define me as a failure of a person.

This morning I remembered a passage in one of my favorite books that talks about living according to old patterns that are no longer useful etc. It’s an excellent and thought-provoking little piece.

One doesn’t have to have PTSD to replay old tapes that do not serve any more. How many of us can remember and list every mistake we ever made, but we have trouble remembering the good things we’ve done?


HAUNTINGS

An Angel Reminder: It’s when we mistake memory for life that we get into trouble.

All of us live, to some extent, in haunted houses populated by the noisy ghosts of memory. Voices of parents, grandparents, old lovers may haunt us. Regrets for things done or left undone may dog us, filling us with guilt and freezing us in our tracks every time we try to get on with our lives. Unfortunately, the goblins and demons of the past often shriek and moan so loudly that we can’t hear the present. And so, without even realizing it, we live according to old patterns that are no longer useful, mistaking memory for reality and letting past mistakes destroy present possibilities. When we’re being haunted, it’s helpful to remember that our ghosts are as stuck as we are. They, too, would like to get a life, but they are compelled to repeat their tiresome patterns because they just don’t know any better. Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

Are you being haunted? If so, by what or whom? Are there regrets or past actions that you haven’t resolved, or people from the past who still hold you in their grip? How is this affecting your present life? Have you ever looked these ghosts straight in the eye? When we examine our ghosts, we realize that they really have no power over us, for we can see straight through them.

An Angelic Reflection: I make the distinction between past and present reality.

( “Angel Courage”, Terry Lynn Taylor and Mary Beth Crain, ©1999, Harper San Francisco)

 

From The Angels:

image Serenity: You are moving into a time of greater inner peace and tranquility.

Peace of mind means feeling secure, and knowing that you’re always provided for. Even if your logical mind cannot fathom how a challenge could be resolved, peace of mind means that you trust that God will create a miraculous solution. This sort of faith is always warranted because faith is a key component in experiencing such miracles.

By drawing this card, the angels reassure you that peace of mind is within you. You can feel serene, even in the midst of great turmoil. It’s a mistake to think that you have to wait until your life is problem free before you can be happy and peaceful. The opposite is actually true. First, you work toward serenity, and then your life challenges lessen and disappear. Serenity is your natural state of mind, and the angels are now working with you to actualize this.

retreat Retreat: Spend some time alone in quiet thought. Clear your mind, and focus on your truth and priorities.

Are you pushing yourself too hard, beloved child of God? The angels remind us that rest is a natural cycle in every living thing. Think of the mighty oak tree that grows in spurts and then rests. It draws its nourishment from deep within the earth, and takes its time before growing upward again. Like the oak tree, it’s important for you to nourish yourself with spiritual and emotional “food.”

While you are resting, take time to reflect on your heart’s true feelings and desires. Your angels speak to you through your heart, and when you listen to and honor your feelings, you walk hand-in-hand with God and the angels. You will know that it is true Divine guidance, and not just your imagination or wishful thinking if it speaks of your desire to make a difference in the world.

emerging Emerging: Your true self-radiant, powerful, successful, and intelligent-is now shining through the surface. Allow your true self to be visible to others, for you lift them up and inspire them.

You are awesome in so many ways, and you are beginning to trust and reveal your true nature more easily. At one time, you may have believed that you had to hide your feelings from others (or even from yourself!). Now, however, you realize how vital and attractive expressing your authentic self is.

Your angels are guiding you to honor your true feelings by expressing them to yourself and others. The angels will help you lovingly talk about your feelings so that no misunderstandings occur with friends and loved ones. Your angels will never guide you to do or say anything that could hurt you or anyone else! They will also ensure that your life will emerge to a new level of inner peace as you let your true self come out and play.


Today’s Prayers:

As you leave this place
may the Living Lord go with you;
May he go behind you, to encourage you,
beside you, to befriend you,
above you, to watch over you,
beneath you, to lift you from your sorrows,
within you, to give you the gifts of faith, hope, and love,
and always before you, to show you the way.

benediction – blair monie

Divine Mother
Mother of the Universe
Bless us with peace
Within and without.

jalaja bonheim – 2000

Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake.
— Psalm 79:9 (NIV)