God – Page 5 – My World (and recipes too)

A Sign from Padre Pio

violets

The other day I told you the story of my new friend, Tenskawata (Open Door), from the Shawnee Tribe. A lot of you wrote and said you loved hearing the story and I thank you for this. It’s always a little nerve wracking to open up and speak about what actually goes on in my life. ha!

As I’ve stated a million times, the more open we are to receiving our signs and messages from beyond, the more abundant they become! It’s important to note that when I say, “from beyond”, I’m using this as a “catch-all” phrase for all things of super natural origin. For me this includes, God first, and also the Universe, the angels, Saints, loved ones, and spirit guides. “Universe” for me even includes signs in nature. I realize it’s a vast definition but how vast is this place we live?

I had another visit last night that came in the form of a dream. I asked specifically for a dream, because I wasn’t in the mood to be startled awake by a presence in the room. I did receive a dream. I won’t relate it here because it’s personal for me and for the two others I requested it for, but suffice it to say, “Ask, Believe, Receive”.

I will tell you that for about three months I’ve suffered with a terrible case of hives on my forearm. Just yesterday I noticed it spreading and it’s really bothering me. As I was falling asleep last night I heard something on TV say, “some Native Americans have remarkable healing abilities through their spirituality”. The thought occurred to me to ask for my arm to be healed OR AT LEAST to be relieved of the itching. So I did.

This morning the rash is still there though not as pronounced and I have had no itching since last night. Coincidence? I think not.

What I wanted to talk about today is something that happened during Sunday Mass this past weekend. We attend a church that I simply adore. It took us a long time to find this place. We feel immense comfort inside and the other parishioners seem to be just as laid back as we are. I have two favorite Priests there. One is from Africa and truly exudes joy and the other is an elderly man, who to me, seems to be one of the “Holiest” of all the Priests I’ve ever known. (I can’t explain what it is about him that makes me feel this…but I feel it and this is what’s important.)

I can be in the worst possible mood going into this place and the moment I sit down, I start to feel the layers come off. This past Sunday I was downright giddy and giggly to the point that I was almost bothering Charlie. LOL. Every time he looked over at me I was flashing an ear to ear smile. Typically this would make him start to laugh, but this past Sunday, he wasn’t really laughing. I decided I was probably being disrespectful causing him distraction so I attempted to contain myself.

About half way through, I looked up and was elated to see St. Padre Pio standing just to the right of our Priest. I sat there a few minutes watching him go through the exact motions our Priest was and I giggled. The moment I broke concentration to look away, he was gone. When I gathered myself and went back, I’d see him again. This only went on about three minutes but that’s as long as it takes. I knew it was a sign…(perhaps just to tell me to stop being such a giggle box and pay attention. So I did.)

Padre Pio is special to me because he was my Grandfather’s favorite. Because of this, I’ve read several books on the man’s life and I’ve prayed to him on numerous occasions to intercede for me. One of his many signs is the aroma of violets (my favorite flowers) and once a million years ago, I was Blessed to get to smell them as a sign of his presence.

His is a fascinating life story. I won’t get into all of it here, but I encourage you, if you are curious, to go and do some research. Get a book and read about this man’s life. Incredible stuff. In short, he was a Catholic Priest who bore the stigmata (wounds of Christ) for most of his life. He is very well know for bi-locution…meaning he is believed to have manifested himself in more than one place at a time. He had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and his miraculous healing work is well documented.

So there I am sitting next to Charlie seeing this. I was overcome with joy and could not figure out why Charlie didn’t seem to be his normal self. He looked a bit bothered,, which I chalked up to my being so goofy.

Days later, AFTER I finally told him about Tenskwata’s visit, I decided to go ahead and tell him about seeing Padre Pio on Sunday. ( I’d kept this to myself because believe it or not, there are things I actually prefer to keep quiet.) Before I’d even finished telling him, his eyes grew wide and he said, “OMG! WHERE WAS he?” When I told him he gulped. He had seen something as well but he chalked it up to shadows playing tricks with his mind.

What did he see? Well, it may sound very strange but at the very same time I was seeing Padre Pio to the right of the Priest, Charlie was seeing what he says looked like the shadow of a demonic being standing just next to him. He confessed this is why he was so somber during Mass, half thinking he was seeing things and the other half wondering why he would see such a thing on the alter next to a Priest.

Part of Padre Pio’s story has to do with the fact that it is said that for the many years he had the stigmata, he was also tormented by demonic beings. I recall reading how the other Priests would sit outside Padre Pio’s room at night, keeping vigil, while they heard all sorts of horrible noises coming from inside his room. In the morning he’d be weak and beaten, bruised and of course bleeding, but he never missed saying a Mass.

What in the WORLD does this all mean? Well for me, it’s confirmation that I wasn’t imagining things. Since I know some of the history of Padre Pio, this is just part of the sign letting me know what I experienced is real. Do I think the Padre is still being tormented by the devil? No way. I do know that wherever goodness is present, darkness tries to loom but never wins.

For me it seems to be a continuation of the same message I keep receiving which translated says, “Keep moving forward and don’t stop, no matter what happens.”

For Charlie it’s confirmation that our church hasn’t been invaded by demonic beings. HA! Do I think it was a real demonic being standing on the alter? Nope. I think he was meant to see this so that we’d talk about it and that’s all there is to it.

I wonder how much we would learn from one another if the fear of being labeled “crazy” wasn’t present?

Sometimes people tell me that as soon as they reach a place in life where they feel they are finally on the right track, something comes along almost instantly to knock them off and keep them down. I think we all feel this way every now and then and it does get so frustrating. It’s these times we are supposed to draw God closer, pray harder and refuse to give up. Nothing can knock us down faster than our own psyche telling us, “this is too hard…I’m tired…I give up”.

Padre Pio was attacked just about every day, his miracles were scrutinized, his wounds were scientifically examined, he was weak all the time for lack of blood, yet his faith in God never once wavered. He didn’t quit when it was hard. It was hard EVERY day. Despite all he went through he experienced immense joy and he exuded light to all he encountered and I believe with my whole heart, that in giving he received on a daily basis.

Times are hard for almost all of us but we don’t have to remain stuck in that hardness. It’s a decision.

Ask. Believe. Receive.

padre-pio

When Dreams Speak.

Where dreams come from

One night I had an experience that jolted me upright in bed. I have always had incredible dreams, but this wasn’t so much a dream, as it was just a quick experience that came from seemingly nowhere. Hard to explain and even harder to say out loud because it was so different from anything I’ve ever experienced in dreamland. For a split second, I was with Jesus on the cross and was looking at his feet, which had become mine, and poof, the first nail was driven in. The experience was so horrific, I jolted upright in bed and scared the living daylights out of Charlie. I didn’t say what had happened, but I laid there for a long time trying to make sense of it.

The symbols in our dreams are often conjured up by the subconscious to be so powerful that we don’t forget them in the daylight because there is some lesson there to be contemplated and understood.

I think for me, this is a reminder that nothing of any value or goodness in this life ever comes without sacrifice, hardship and just plain hard work and of course, that one must persevere at all cost.

For so long I’ve hidden away from my writing thinking that because I was going through a life change so horrible, I couldn’t be of any inspiration to anyone. I held myself to a silly standard that said that if I couldn’t be a bright shining star, I had nothing to offer. I let my brain take over and broke my cardinal rule which says that the heart should always lead, no matter what. The brain will always point out failures and mistakes, misjudgments, misgivings, lamentations…all the stuff the that squelches the spirit. Conversely the heart, which lives in a state of total honesty and love, in constant union with God, will keep that tiny flame of hope alive beyond all things of this world.

Sometimes the most important life teachings come in the form of periods of darkness, where one has to dig deep to come out the other side, where one has to cultivate courage, in order to persevere even in the face of possible failure.

A dear friend of mine has been here all along repeating to me what I’ve always told others…”ask yourself what lesson the Universe is trying to teach you through all this pain.”

So I asked.

This is what the angels had to say:

“Underneath the shield of physicality, is a place where the deepest love resides. It cannot be extinguished for this is the spark that connects all to the Divine. Remove the illusions of self-doubt and fear. These are restrictions you’ve placed on yourself, dear child. The time is now to step boldly forth. Bless the darkness, thank it for its lessons, and know that all is well. Point your heart in the direction of the all-encompassing love of the Father, strengthen your connection to the Divine. Today, life begins anew.”

And yes. They are correct and I have heeded their advice. ❤

hearts

Edification. Wait. What?

Edification: Intellectual, moral, or spiritual improvement; enlightenment.

Edification: Intellectual, moral, or spiritual improvement; enlightenment.

Sometimes for me, life seems to be a never-ending cycle of making peace within myself over things beyond my control. It’s the same for all of us, really. Who among us doesn’t experience frustration in one form or another? It’s a natural feeling that rises up when something doesn’t click correctly within our hearts. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the source of our frustration is wrong; it simply means that it isn’t aligning with our own personal truth.

Lately I find myself back in the ebb and flow of life. For a couple of weeks I’m flowing gracefully and then poof, I’m back in the proverbial ebb scratching my head. For the most part I’m able to make the choices I need to in order to continue on with my joy, but there are times when I’m sailing along on shear will power. I understand that in AA they call this “white-nuckling” and it’s not considered to be a good thing. What it means is that you may not be drinking, (which is always a good thing for an alcoholic), but it’s dangerous because not drinking without treating the actual disease typically means a relapse is on the way.

In regular life the same applies.

If there is a situation causing us frustration and we “whitenuckle it” – it really means we aren’t doing much to correct the negative feelings we’re carrying within. For instance, lately I find myself biting my tongue a lot. I liken this habit to white knuckling. Biting the tongue tends to be a good thing most of the time, but it does little to eradicate the feelings that are living beneath the surface.

When I finally realize I’m “white knuckling” my way through my days, I know it’s time to find the proper balance again. I have to explore the root cause of my discomfort and do something spiritually uplifting to fix it. I may not always be able to do something to fix situations over which I have no control, but I can certainly find a place within my heart to work on other things that will bring forth the same result.

What are some of the things you are “white-knuckling” lately? What works for you to find your spiritual balance again?

Here is a page out of one of my all-time-used-to-be favorite books, “Angel Wisdom”. It speaks to exactly what I’m talking about here.

“EDIFYING

An Angelic Reminder: An edifying moment has an everlasting angelic place in your mind.

Edification is one of those noble concepts from the angels that seems to have little importance in society today. When something is edifying, it encourages moral improvement and has an uplifting influence on our minds. Unfortunately, edification today has been increasingly overlooked in favor of quick and easy escapes from the boredom and emptiness of un-edified lives. How often do you feel edified by reading a newspaper or watching TV? Where disaster, triviality, and materialism abound, few opportunities exist to be edified. So it’s important to create uplifting and enlightening experiences for ourselves. Reading good, thought-provoking books, listening to good music, watching an inspiring movie, discussing spiritual ideas with a friend, meditating, creating things of beauty, helping others to seek out the truly edifying aspects of life–these are just a few of the ways in which we can improve our connection to the angels, who are always seeking to provide us with natural and spiritual inspiration.

How does your environment contribute to or detract from edification? How can you change or improve your environment–the people you choose to associate with, the activities you engage in, the priorities you have or haven’t set? Ask the angels to help you spend at least one hour a day edifying your life.

An Angelic Reflection: I am able to make behavior choices that are comfortable and positive for me and beneficial to the world.”

(©Angel Wisdom: Terry Lynn Taylor & Mary Beth Crain. 1994 Harper-Collins)

Church Perks

This popped up in my memories today and it’s just the thing I needed to read. I love how the Universe works this way. ❤

Very often when least expected, God sends a messenger.

People are shocked when they learn that I suffer tremendously with internal issues of self-worth. Because of this I am nearly always questioning myself. “Did I do that well enough?”; “Am I on the right path?”;”Does anything I do even matter?”;”Does anyone even care about me, really?”;”Am I doing enough?”;”What is wrong with me?”. I could go on and on.

I say people are shocked when they learn this, because I present myself as the exact opposite. Most people who know me think I am the most confident person around and they would never dream that inside, very often I am a mess.

When depression attempts to pull me under, I go on the offense; slapping the fake smile on, forcing myself to “go the extra mile”, etc. I have learned through years of practice that when I am successful with my efforts, God always meets me half way with something glorious. This is what carries me through.

The other day I was in my tiny office in the back of the church when I heard an African man talking to the ladies at the front desk. First of all, I love that accent, so my ears perked up when he started talking.

He had been to a ministry several blocks away from our location in order to receive financial assistance with his rent. As he told his story, I could tell he was very upset. He explained that he understood we are not affiliated with them, but as he was driving by the church, he felt compelled to come inside to talk through it.

Apparently, over a month ago he’d been granted financial assistance (by the other ministry) with his rent so he thought everything was fine. However, when he retrieved his mail that morning, he found an eviction notice. Fearful, he jumped in the car and went back to the Ministry, only to be treated as if he’d never been there.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not the one who handles people who walk in the office for help, but on this day, because of the dire situation, I felt compelled to intervene. So I went out, introduced myself, asked for his paperwork, told him to have a seat, and went back to my office to call the person who leads that Ministry. As it happens, in addition to my part-time work at the church, I also do the finances for the Ministry in question.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in such things.

After a few back and forth calls, it was determined that his file had been misplaced and indeed, the payment for his rent had not been made. A few more calls were made, including one to his Landlord, who accepted the explanation and agreed to wait to receive the past-due rent and I was able to walk back out and tell him his situation was remedied. By this time, hours had passed, and this poor man who had been in the office so upset and nervous finally had relief. He thanked everyone in the outer office and then asked to speak with me privately.

Inside my office, he took both of my hands in his and asked me if I would allow him to pray with me. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to this man, a stranger, praise God for having prompted him to stop into my office. He thanked God for me; he asked God to continue to place me in the path of people who need my help; he told God to continue to use me as his instrument; to continue to allow me to minister, not just in the finance office, but in the community. He said that when he entered the office he was scared and afraid and he felt alone and hopeless and that because of my actions, he was leaving renewed and restored and secure in the knowledge that God still listens to prayers and offers aid in remarkable ways. He mentioned the angels and he called me “one of God’s earth angels”. It was beautiful.

In other words,God met me half-way with something glorious that I would never have imagined for myself. Depression lifted. Joy inserted.

It was as if the Lord, Himself, stood right in front of me and said, “Yes, daughter, you ARE worth it. You ARE appreciated. You ARE loved. You ARE doing exactly what I expect of you. I love you. I love you. Carry on.”

And so I will.

Day 5 Progress Report. God Sees.

As I reflect back on the week, I am reminded of what I have always known: when I suit up and show up and do the work with God in front, miracles happen. God isn’t just for the big stuff, He’s here for us for all things and He responds in all sorts of wonderful ways.

i-can-do-it

Amazing grace, I made it to Friday! Wednesday and Thursday were really hard days for me, but I had armed myself with my “plan-ahead” weapons, so I made it!

To recap: Monday I began a two-week jump-start project which I am calling, “return-to-me”. For two weeks I am working on rehabbing my tired body, mind and spirit. For me this means more prayer, replacing breakfast and lunch with protein shakes, eating a healthy dinner, limiting alcohol and writing (because it feeds my spirit.)

I knew Wednesday and Thursday would be trigger days for me because they are the most stressful of each week. Wednesdays my hubs and I work until 1:00 PM and then we head into the kitchen of a local church, where we create, serve and clean up after their Fellowship Meal. Usually this meal serves about 100 people, but sometimes it can rise to 150. This week we served pork tenderloin.

So you get the idea, it’s laborious, but glorious. I always go home smiling when the people are full and they’ve loved the meal. (In case you are curious, the sides were wild rice and a veggie medley of carrots, broccoli and cauliflower with a three bean salad or coleslaw plus cake and brownies for dessert.) We aren’t playin’!

My Thursday afternoons from 1 until 4:30 are spent with my aging parents. While I am so grateful both of my parents are still here on earth for me to visit, it can be hard at times. (This is a story for another blog, though.) I usually arrive home emotionally drained in some form or fashion.

The problem for me on both of these days is that we have fallen into the habit of evening cocktails on these nights. Everything is so stressful, it’s a nice feeling to get home, change clothes, flop in our favorite chairs and sip on whatever it is that we’ve decided upon for that night-sometimes it’s wine; sometimes it’s vodka; sometimes other things. The bottom line is, this is what we’ve done for years, so it’s a habit that we equate with “reward”.

I knew this would be an issue at the beginning of the week so I intentionally prepared for it. Wednesday morning I woke to my usual prayers for strength and perseverance, then I wrote in my prayer journal. I planned to eat a meal at church just before going home so I would be full. Even with all of this, the drive home a battle raged inside my mind.

“Just one won’t hurt.”, said my ego.

“You made a commitment! And you’ve prayed to God, too! If you do this, it’s like you are quitting on God, ya know. You have to give Him a chance to work.”, said my heart.

“Drat! Blasted Heart! But still, you don’t have to do this all at once, ya know.”, said Ego.

“If not now, when? I’ve prayed over this and over it. God will help me fight you when I get home, now shut up.”, said Heart.

“Still”, Heart thought silently, “What if I fail yet again? Why can’t I just do this?”.

When we arrived home, I went straight upstairs opting for a long, hot bath, which has always been a source of comfort. While I was in there I prayed again for strength and I thought about just what I was asking for and why. (Aren’t I worthy of having the life I was intended to have? I am. It’s up to me to do the work in order to get back there. I’ve let things go for TOO long-taking care of everyone else. It’s time for ME. If not now, WHEN?)

So I went downstairs, had a banana, flopped on the couch and turned on a comedy show. Later, I went to bed happily thanking God for seeing me through the day.

Last night, having battled through Wednesday night, I knew what to expect out of that darned ego-talk. Even though I was prepared the same as the night before and EVEN though I knew Friday was slated to be “cheat night”, as far as dinner and cocktails are concerned, it was still THE hardest time I’ve had. I went to my parents per usual, then stopped at the grocery on the way home (my happy place) in order to select something I’d like to cook for dinner. (This is my way of tweaking the usual routine.) I even went so far as to go to a market I do not frequent. I selected some nice filets, fresh asparagus and I planned on serving the last of the fresh squash I’d made nights before. I even bought two tiny cheesecakes as a treat. Then, I stopped at Redbox and rented a funny movie as a non-food, non-alcoholic activity.

Still, when I arrived home the temptation to throw it all out the window, met me right at the front door. Blasted demon ego!

“Look, you made it past Wednesday! Isn’t THAT enough? You are stressed and sad. You can make up for this later. Next week you can tackle Thursday over! Have a drink. If it makes you feel better, you can skip dinner!”, Ego quipped as if it were nothing.

This time my heart was silent. Instead, I thought of what I’d written in my journals to God. I thought about what I really want. I thought about why I started this in the first place. I thought of starting over and over and over again, never making it over the hump.

“Darn it. This is ridiculous. I am worth MORE than sitting on the stupid couch with a stupid cocktail.”, said Heart.

Just then, I remembered I’d ordered a special herbal bath potion to soak in. Walking to the mailbox I told myself if it was there, I’d use that as my reward. It was.

Determined, I went back into the house, made a nice salad, and sat down and ate it so I would not be hungry while I prepared dinner. After dinner, I headed up the stairs and took a glorious, “I DID IT” soak!

And so here I am today. It’s Friday. (Tonight, I get to have wine and homemade pizza and it doesn’t even feel important any more.)

As I reflect back on the work-week, I am reminded of what I have always known: when I suit up and show up and do the work with God in front, miracles happen. God isn’t just for the big stuff, He’s here for us for all things and He responds in all sorts of wonderful ways. There is something to be said for journaling thoughts, hopes, dreams, prayers etc. to God. (I think it cements things in the heart more securely.) Is it necessary to do so in order to communicate with God? Absolutely not. (In fact, I’m sure there are some people out there who will be offended that this is one of the ways I choose to be connected. Oh well.)

Having said all of this, I am fully aware that after tonight, I still have to go through Saturday and Sunday in order to truly say I had a successful week. (This is a Holiday weekend so I know it will be a little harder.) These days I really am trying to keep focused on the day at hand. While I do plan ahead,the object is to keep my emotions and my determination centered on “one-day-at-a-time”.

So color me grateful. I know God sees me and I like to think He’s happy with my tiny bit of progress. I am feeling joyful beyond measure! The bonus factor that I knew when I began this is that I’m feeling closer to God than before. Lest you think all I do is pray about getting through these two weeks, among other things, I also pray that my relationship with all things spiritual, especially God, continue to strengthen. It’s working.

NOTE: Although I missed a couple of days blogging, I am still here, and I am not going anywhere. Admittedly, this is a lot of harder to do than my blogs of days-gone-by where I had a set routine and outline to follow each day. I WILL persist!

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So you have a visual, here is a photo of the tiny journal I keep in my purse. I pull it out and write in it whenever and I have something on my heart. (The first page I always use for my favorite verses.) When I get home later, I’ll photograph the book I use there. It’s similar but large. The one below is about five 1/2 inches by 3 and 3/4″. It fits perfectly inside my purse.

FullSizeRender (1) FullSizeRender (2)

BTW, if I talk about food, I will always leave the recipe here:

Roasted Pork Tenderloin

Ingredients:

(2) 1/2 lb Tenderloins (1 package of tenderloin has two 1/2 lb tenderloins inside)
4 tablespoons
4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Any seasoning blend you like. I used a prepared one that had garlic, lemon, oregano, chili pepper etc.) You can even use prepared rubs OR just make your own with whatever you like–you want enough to coat the Tenderloin all over.
1/2 c. honey
1/4 c. brown sugar
1 c. balsamic vinegar
Fresh ground pepper (to taste)
Kosher salt (to taste)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
On a baking sheet, sprinkle each tenderloin with the balsamic vinegar. Rub it into all sides.
Drizzle olive oil and rub into all sides.
Coat with your seasonings (or prepared rub)
Let the pork sit for up to 20 minutes prior to cooking.
Roast in hot oven for 20 minutes. If it still gives a lot to the touch, flip it and let it go for 6-8 minutes.

Meanwhile:

While the pork is cooking, to a sauce pan add the following:

1 c. balsamic vinegar
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. honey

Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Let the sauce reduce by half until it will coat a spoon. When your pork comes out, drizzle it over the top prior to serving.

Down but never Helpless

Oh wow, am I in a MOOD for the past few days! I try to take my own advice most of the time, but still there are things looming in the air that are beyond my control and sometimes, I cannot help but feel a little bit down. Read this: I said I feel a little bit down. I did not say I feel helpless.

While I know I give good advice, in all honestly, there are times when the tools do not seem to work and we continue to feel icky about the things over which we have no control. (That’s the down part, not the helpless part.)

I’m in several situations right now where I would like to open up and give a firm talking-to to those involved but it’s not my place, so I have to keep silent. The fact is, that often in life, we’re presented with situations where it would be easy to just let go and spew what’s in our hearts, but it’s absolutely not appropriate.

It’s these times that it’s important to recognize the difference between down and helpless. We’re actually never helpless. That’s a total illusion. When situations are beyond our control, the choice not to let it grab hold and pull us under is an action step that is within reach.

These are the times it’s perfectly okay to go into cocoon-mode. Do nothing. Pray hard. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Do what feeds the soul.

I was just sharing with a close friend that I believe these are the times God uses to work on our faith. Sometimes fear can cause us to act on impulse because we’re looking for a quick solution. (I can’t count the number of times in my life where if I’d just waited a little while longer before doing something drastic, my situation would have improved on it’s own.)

Most often if we can find the self control to sit on our proverbial hands and wait while God is at work, the results are miraculous. He can see what we cannot. He has solutions we aren’t aware of. His healing has a much further reach than ours and so on.

Just recently I had a financial situation that seemed to have no explicable answer. Instead of obsessing over it, I gave it to God because, based on my past experience, giving it over and refusing to worry over it, always works. Yes, I absolutely did have a “Plan B” in mind, but rather than implement that plan, I went with “Plan A” which is always, “Trust that God sees and knows and will respond.”

Today He did. Unexpected funds appeared and financial issue averted. Amen.

PS–That image up there? This was a dollar bill actually received in the collection plate at the church where I work. Just love it!

Day Three – More on Community

I grow weary of hearing people say, “All organized religion is nonsense created by humans, for profit and control”.

First, I hate generalizations. It’s funny because I can remember a time growing up when that’s all my father used to say to me, “Stop generalizing”. At the time, I didn’t really understand what he meant, but he was right. I used to make statements like, “You always find fault in anything I say”; “This person is always wrong.”; “You never listen to a word I say.” etc… At fifty, I finally understand what my Dad meant.

I admit for a time, when I was being lazy in my faith and wallowing in self pity, I used to say things about organized religion too. I would tell myself that I didn’t need to go to church because God lives in me, etc. “Church is a building”; “Faith is what’s in my heart.”; “God lives everywhere, I don’t have to go there to talk to God.”, etc.”

I was right (on some level), until I landed in the finance office of a church that isn’t of my own religion. (I laugh these days, because God absolutely does know what He’s doing at any given time.) I started there as an account temp because they lost their finance secretary to a full time job. I thought this job would be pretty clear cut: I’d do their finances and leave each day. NOT.

I never expected that as the finance secretary of a church, I would be the only person who got to see what good “a church” actually does in a community. As a lifelong Catholic, my only experience with church was going to Mass on Sundays, receiving the Sacraments and tithing each week or month. I never stopped to think or find out just where my tithes went. I thought they were supporting the church building and the school, period. I never went beyond this in my thinking. Why would I? I just showed up on Sundays, gave what I could, and left.

Until I landed at my current work place.

Yes, it is true that tithes do go to the upkeep of the building and the staff. Church’s are non profit organizations, which means that they do depend on weekly/monthly tithing and gifts from estates and outside entities. Without the kindness and faith of others, they don’t get to exist.

I worked for about six months just trying to find my way in the finance office. No one could help me because the business of the finance office of a church is completely confidential. Thankfully, my life long accounting background afforded me the experience and knowledge to be able to create the statements etc.

What I did not expect, however, was learning just what it means to be a church. What I get to experience every single day is happiness and love. While we do have a small number of staff, who are paid, the place where I work is largely governed and staffed by volunteers who give of their time freely and willfully day in and day out. This doesn’t mean that they just write checks to the church. It means that they come into the office to answer phones, they write thank you notes when we receive memorial donations, they go out to visit the shut-ins and those who are hospitalized, they organize visits to the home-bound, they plan picnics for new members, they create ministries for the elderly and the youth and the children, they buy beds and clothes for people new in the country, they walk in parades, the list is endless. In short, wherever there is a need, they are there.

My “ah-ha” moment came one day the first year of my employment, when a random envelope of cash was received and on the outside it simply said, “Please give to the church”. It was a substantial amount of cash and we worked hard to find out where it had come from so I could give tax credit. In the end, a random person had given this envelope to a congregant who was leaving Sunday services…he didn’t care about “credit”.

The day we finally figured this out, my heart just opened and I cried. Not knowing the story, I envisioned some stranger saving his pennies until he felt he had enough and then he gave it to the first person he saw coming out of services. The person who received this money and turned it in could only say that this was a foreign person who offered the envelope.

My workplace caters to foreigners and refugees and I love it. Several times I’ve gotten to use my Spanish to help visitors looking for the “English as a Second Language” classes, which are hosted by the church. (I have a degree in Spanish yet have never gotten to use it for any reason until now.) (PS-Thanks God!)

The Minsters of this place work 24/7. If a person has a medical emergency in the middle of the night, they jump up and go. Often times during the day, I witness the Minsters going on countless “appointments” to pray with the sick, the lonely, the depressed or those who are trying to figure out “God”, period. They go when they are called, period, and it doesn’t matter how many times per day they are called…they GO.

In short, I’ve been at this place for three years part-time. I’d be there full-time in a heart beat because I’ve finally learned what a church really is. It’s LOVE actualized.

Yes, you can love and pray and worship God all on your own and HE IS there, but a church is a community of people all working together to help others. At least, this is MY experience.

Lots of times I’m the only person who gets to read beautiful letters attached to checks that talk about what this church has meant and why “this donation” is being made and I feel so honored. I look at it as God entrusting me as the go-between. I make sure the donation gets where it’s supposed to, I get to write the thank you note and I get to keep the secret of who gave it. (That’s between God and me and the donor and it’s so fun!)

So. Yeah, I’m weary of hearing that organized religion sucks because it doesn’t. I didn’t even mention all of the money that my workplace donates to local charities OR what it does to take care of refugees from other countries. We receive calls daily from people wanting help on their rent or utility bills and we work in conjunction with other area charities to help as much as possible. I’ve seen our Ministers (and members)buy clothes and shoes for children (sometimes out of their own pockets), buy a bus ticket to get a stranded traveler home, deliver food to those who need it; I’ve even seen them invite a person in to sit in our church parlor to eat a meal and just chat with a fellow human. I could go on and on.

If you think, for one moment, that organized religion sucks. I hope you will do some more research. We give away most of what comes in and what we don’t have to give away, we make up with our own money, time and effort.

I’m so Blessed.

Those who used to know me on Myspace have to KNOW that God led me here to this place and that I’m happy as a clam. I don’t make much money, but my heart is FULL times infinity. I haven’t even scratched the surface here.

I think it’s time for all of us to either re-discover or discover for the first time, what it’s like to be a real member of a real community. Church might just be the first stop. No. I’m certain it should be.

Praise God. (I do.)