Broken a little

Yesterday I violated a rule of mine. I cried at work. More. Than. Once.


image

Yesterday I violated a rule of mine…and I couldn’t help it. (Sucks) I cried at work. More. Than. Once.  Tonight I am still sitting here weepy, only now I am mad at myself for being weepy at work today. (Argh. I am soooooooo much better than this.)

To break it down, I have been a participant in multiple high stress situations beyond my control since before summer started. Most of them involve trying to handle the estate and final sale of my recently departed mother-in-law’s home from across several states…but there are others as well. I seem to be meeting myself coming and going. (Keep in mind we are crossing into November. That is a long time to be in near constant stress.)

At this point, if my tolerance for negativity were a sponge, mine would be oozing and dripping all over the counter top. Though I know this will subside eventually, right now I am hyper sensitive. At least I am aware of it, right?

All of this brings me to a reflection from days gone by:

What would happen if:

For one day only, we choose to speak solely when necessary?
For one day only, we speak not ONE word to another ABOUT what another person said, did, thought or acted like? (In short, we do not speak about others unless it is to communicate something positive and wonderful?)
For one day only, we turn off the car radio and cell phone and instead, offer sincere prayer for anyone we pass on the street?
For one day only, we projected all the love we have in our lives to somewhere else, say, the Middle East?
For one day only, we keep our secrets between ourselves and God?
For one day only, we choose to follow, rather than to lead?
For one day only, we were quiet enough to hear God’s voice inside us?

What would it say?

In the past, I used to declare every Monday: “Affirmation Monday”. My friends and I would post what our intentions and affirmations were for the week. Maybe today might be a good day to do some reflecting on the times in our lives when we’ve been hurt someone else’s words or deeds and how we can help to eradicate this type of behavior in our own lives.

Yesterday Charlie and I were talking about how people speak to one another. I related an experience I had at a film event where a girl I have never met and who is probably thirty years my junior, kept calling me “baby”. “Baby, Baby…are you sitting in that chair?” I was polite and smiled, but inside I wanted to take her by the arm and say to her, “Listen to yourself, you sound like an imbecile; is this really the image you want to project here?” I realize it was a small thing that isn’t worth dwelling on, or is it? Today I’m still thinking about that girl and wondering; Who is her mother? Why wasn’t she taught how to be respectful? Did she think she was being cute? How many of this girl are out there? (ha ha).

Sometimes without realizing it, even the inflections we use may cause another to misinterpret the meaning behind what we are saying. How many times are we so consumed in our own thoughts that when a person asks us a question, we only half answer them or worse, our tone indicates we feel we are being bothered?

My affirmation for the coming week is to be totally present in my conversations, to listen, rather than react, to offer love when I don’t have to.  (This and to leave my tears at home where they belong!)

What will be your affirmations?


From the Angels:

image Healing: The highest purpose of your healer guides is to restore your self-awareness and self-esteem as children of God and help you accept the love and unlimited blessings that God grants you.

Opening your heart and mind to your worthiness is the best healing of all.

self-acceptance Self-Acceptance: You are important and know that you are called to add value to the world around you.

You have rich treasure inside you that people need. You have more in you than you realize, and you can accomplish more than you ever thought possible.

No matter where you are in life today, you have potential to increase, grow, to be strengthened, and to move forward. God created you for His good purpose and you are His masterpiece!

trust Trust: You have to be willing to pour in everything you have before you can see Gods increase flowing in your life. Believe in yourself, the angels emphasize the value of self-trust.

Signs: You have asked for a sign from your angels. Pay close attention to everything going on around you scents, color, objects. Be aware of the messages they are trying to alert you … notice sounds, objects.

You’ve asked for heaven to help you. This card signifies that your angels are trying to get your attention with signs.

They are trying to make contact with you.


Well, I don’t know what will happen now.
We’ve got some difficult days ahead.
But it doesn’t matter with me now.
Because I’ve been to the mountaintop.
And I don’t mind.
Like anybody, I would like to live a long life.
Longevity has its place.
But I’m not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God’s will.
And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain.
And I’ve looked over.
And I’ve seen the promised land.
I may not get there with you.
But I want you to know tonight, that we,
as a people will get to the promised land.
And I’m happy, tonight.
I’m not worried about anything.
I’m not fearing any man.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord

Martin Luther King Jr. – 1968


Weeping may endure for a night but joy comets in the morning. Psalm 30:5


Hauntings

Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

crying-eyes

Most people in my life are completely unaware (unless they are immediate family or have read my blogs for eons) that back in 2001 I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The diagnosis was made after I was assaulted that same year. I learned back then, that I had probably developed PTSD much earlier in life.

That being said, I consider myself fully recovered even though I am told it never goes away. I know this is true, because I have completely unexpected flare ups from time to time. I still consider myself recovered, however,  because when the flares do appear, I recognize them and take the proper steps to get into the present moment.

Earlier this week I was blindsided by a situation at work where I felt someone was overstepping his boundaries. We were in an important meeting and he contradicted me several times over things he didn’t even have experience with. Throughout the day, he repeatedly incorrectly answered questions intended for me. At one point he swore I’d been given a certain list, when in fact, I haven’t and so on and so on. The entire scenario felt so ego-driven to me, it triggered a three-day long reaction.

My mind knew that he was acting partly on ego and that his intentions were probably to be helpful, not hurtful. Even so, my PTSD took me back to a time long ago where I felt belittled and betrayed and shamed. Immediately my heart-felt broken, as if none of the people I have come to love so much through my work place, really care about me at all. I sat on the couch that night feeling the familiar pangs of having the best of my intentions mocked as being fake and stupid and worse, that I had no one to go to for help.

Not a pretty place to be.

It’s taken three days to fight my way back to the truth. This was one incident in time with a person who wasn’t self-aware enough to realize he was over-stepping. I choose to believe his intention was to be helpful. I also believe his actions were ego-based, but I have to let that go and not dwell on it.

I make a conscious decision to affirm the following: It’s not true that people do not care about me; that is something from the past. It is a fact that I usually act from a place of purity. There is nothing fake about me. I am worthy. I should be treated with respect. I deserve to feel safe and protected. My mistakes in life do not define me as a failure of a person.

This morning I remembered a passage in one of my favorite books that talks about living according to old patterns that are no longer useful etc. It’s an excellent and thought-provoking little piece.

One doesn’t have to have PTSD to replay old tapes that do not serve any more. How many of us can remember and list every mistake we ever made, but we have trouble remembering the good things we’ve done?


HAUNTINGS

An Angel Reminder: It’s when we mistake memory for life that we get into trouble.

All of us live, to some extent, in haunted houses populated by the noisy ghosts of memory. Voices of parents, grandparents, old lovers may haunt us. Regrets for things done or left undone may dog us, filling us with guilt and freezing us in our tracks every time we try to get on with our lives. Unfortunately, the goblins and demons of the past often shriek and moan so loudly that we can’t hear the present. And so, without even realizing it, we live according to old patterns that are no longer useful, mistaking memory for reality and letting past mistakes destroy present possibilities. When we’re being haunted, it’s helpful to remember that our ghosts are as stuck as we are. They, too, would like to get a life, but they are compelled to repeat their tiresome patterns because they just don’t know any better. Psychics say the way to end a haunting is to talk to the ghost, set it on the right track, and give it a boot in the behind, right into the light. The next time you find yourself haunted by a painful memory, you might try doing the same thing.

Are you being haunted? If so, by what or whom? Are there regrets or past actions that you haven’t resolved, or people from the past who still hold you in their grip? How is this affecting your present life? Have you ever looked these ghosts straight in the eye? When we examine our ghosts, we realize that they really have no power over us, for we can see straight through them.

An Angelic Reflection: I make the distinction between past and present reality.

( “Angel Courage”, Terry Lynn Taylor and Mary Beth Crain, ©1999, Harper San Francisco)

 

From The Angels:

image Serenity: You are moving into a time of greater inner peace and tranquility.

Peace of mind means feeling secure, and knowing that you’re always provided for. Even if your logical mind cannot fathom how a challenge could be resolved, peace of mind means that you trust that God will create a miraculous solution. This sort of faith is always warranted because faith is a key component in experiencing such miracles.

By drawing this card, the angels reassure you that peace of mind is within you. You can feel serene, even in the midst of great turmoil. It’s a mistake to think that you have to wait until your life is problem free before you can be happy and peaceful. The opposite is actually true. First, you work toward serenity, and then your life challenges lessen and disappear. Serenity is your natural state of mind, and the angels are now working with you to actualize this.

retreat Retreat: Spend some time alone in quiet thought. Clear your mind, and focus on your truth and priorities.

Are you pushing yourself too hard, beloved child of God? The angels remind us that rest is a natural cycle in every living thing. Think of the mighty oak tree that grows in spurts and then rests. It draws its nourishment from deep within the earth, and takes its time before growing upward again. Like the oak tree, it’s important for you to nourish yourself with spiritual and emotional “food.”

While you are resting, take time to reflect on your heart’s true feelings and desires. Your angels speak to you through your heart, and when you listen to and honor your feelings, you walk hand-in-hand with God and the angels. You will know that it is true Divine guidance, and not just your imagination or wishful thinking if it speaks of your desire to make a difference in the world.

emerging Emerging: Your true self-radiant, powerful, successful, and intelligent-is now shining through the surface. Allow your true self to be visible to others, for you lift them up and inspire them.

You are awesome in so many ways, and you are beginning to trust and reveal your true nature more easily. At one time, you may have believed that you had to hide your feelings from others (or even from yourself!). Now, however, you realize how vital and attractive expressing your authentic self is.

Your angels are guiding you to honor your true feelings by expressing them to yourself and others. The angels will help you lovingly talk about your feelings so that no misunderstandings occur with friends and loved ones. Your angels will never guide you to do or say anything that could hurt you or anyone else! They will also ensure that your life will emerge to a new level of inner peace as you let your true self come out and play.


Today’s Prayers:

As you leave this place
may the Living Lord go with you;
May he go behind you, to encourage you,
beside you, to befriend you,
above you, to watch over you,
beneath you, to lift you from your sorrows,
within you, to give you the gifts of faith, hope, and love,
and always before you, to show you the way.

benediction – blair monie

Divine Mother
Mother of the Universe
Bless us with peace
Within and without.

jalaja bonheim – 2000

Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake.
— Psalm 79:9 (NIV)

Fearless Hope

I hate feeling unsettled. One minute I am up and ready to take on the world and the next, there are things bubbling up and I’m screaming about nothing. It’s a precarious time for most all of us right now, especially in the USA where we are feeling an upheaval in our country with the upcoming election.

hope

I hate feeling unsettled.  One minute I am up and ready to take on the world and the next, there are things bubbling up and I’m screaming about nothing.  It’s a precarious time for almost all of us right now, especially in the USA where we are feeling an upheaval in our country with the upcoming election. It’s insane the amount of bickering and fighting going on. People who have been friends for years have parted ways because they do not agree on who should be President. The two candidates we have behave in deplorable ways. It’s a scary time for all of us, but for those of us who are ultra sensitive, it can be hard to get out of bed each day.

My husband and I cook for a church each Wednesday, a task I normally love and look forward to. This morning, I’m reaching for the strength to do it and to do it with a smile. I feel sad inside for a number of reasons. I have to keep repeating to myself, “This too shall pass.” I know it will. It always does.

There IS hope.  We don’t HAVE to feel the effects of fear.  For some, this is easier said than done, but it’s a matter of choice.  I personally have no idea what is about to happen with the Government but I do know one thing…it’s up to me (and you too) to be diligent about praying for the people of our Nation and to ask God that our leaders begin to strip down to the heart for the good of this Country of ours.  The time for greed is over.  We’ve been seeing for some time now what greed is capable of doing and has done.  I want no part of it.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my past walk with the Blessed Mother and today I went through my books trying to find the ones that helped me best to strengthen my faith.  I ran across a meditation book called, “Medjugorje Day By Day” (by: Richard J. Beyer), and opened it to October 26.  This is what is says at the top.  It’s part of one of Mary’s messages to the world as given to the visionaries in Medjugorje back in the eighties.

October 26:

The Blessed Mother Speaks of Grace today:

“Dear Children, pray during this month.  God has allowed me to help you every day with graces, in order to protect you from evil.  This month is mine.  I would like to give it to you. Pray and God will give you the graces that you ask for.  I will support your requests.”

(© 1993 Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana)

 

During a time in my life when I most needed a hand to hold , Mary was there for me.  I am here to tell you She is here now again, and She’ll help anyone who reaches out to Her.

Once upon a time she foretold what is going on in this country right now and I will never forget what She said.  She said this country has been given the most and we have the least gratitude [of all countries] for it.  She also said “God help the mother’s with young children”.  For whatever reason, that one quote has always stuck with me.  All She has asked of me or anyone is to return to putting God first in all of our ways.  She doesn’t specify what religion because frankly, God is God, no matter what name we choose to use.

At a time in my life when I felt there was no human on earth in whom I could place my trust, I took a deep breath and made a promise to hold Her hand and go where She would lead me.  She led me to a deep faith and belief that through God, ALL things are possible.  She specified that there IS still time to change our ways and that through the prayers of many, a lot of terrible things have been averted.  They still are and still can.

So I ask you all to join with me in praying for one another, not just America, but for all people of all Nations.  Pray that God sends an army of Angels to seep into the hearts of those who supposedly lead and want to lead this country and that whomever ends up being the decision maker(s) begins to lead with his/her heart for the good of all.  The fact is that none of us truly know, we only have opinions on who is supposed to be in charge.

WE ARE ONE.  It’s time to take the one true stand we can all take.  Begin and end your days on your knees in prayer.  Ask that God take the lead and show us all the right way.  Ask that God’s will be done, not ours.

It doesn’t fail.  I can promise you this.

My love to all of you!


From The Angels:

answered-prayer Answered Prayer: Fear not, beloved one! Your prayers have been heard and answered.

All of your prayers are always answered. Sometimes you may not feel this way, because the answer comes in unexpected ways. Perhaps you receive an intuitive feeling or a new opportunity appears-or a book falls off the shelf. The angels answer our prayers very often by giving us ideas or information in these everyday ways.

By drawing this card, the angels request that you be extra observant. Notice everything that you hear, say, think, and feel. Be especially alert to help that comes to you, and be sure to accept that help. You do deserve this assistance, and many times God enlists people to act as Earth angels who bring you answers to your prayers.

 

harmony Harmony: Conflict is resolved in a situation that was troubling you. Know that you deserve this peace and happiness, and accept it graciously.

Beloved child of God, you are a peace-lover at heart. This card comes to you as a sign of new harmony that dawns upon you. Let go of viewing the situation as troubled, and see yourself and others through the eyes of your guardian angels. In this way, you’ll look past the surface and see the beauty and light that eternally shines within everyone.

By shifting your viewpoint to the angelic perspective, you become an Earth angel. Holding an elevated viewpoint sparks miraculous healing in all of your relationships. Conflict drops away, revealing the clean and new truth about everyone and everything.

study Study:  Don’t let the pressures of life push those dreams down. Stir up those dreams. Shake off every disappointment and press forward. This is a new day. Get a new vision. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, you are going to keep pressing forward. This is an important time for you to learn new ideas or skills.

You are going to keep growing. You are going to keep learning. You are going to stay active. If you will stay passionate about life, knowing what your purpose is and being your best every day, God will pour out His blessings to you. Perhaps you feel guided to enroll in a class and this card confirms that feeling.

Make the choice to keep your dreams in front of you. Remember, you have a purpose. You have a destiny. You were created to make a difference to impact our society to make this world a better place. You are being guided to enroll in class, continue your education.

 


mary

Today’s Prayers:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee

Blessed art thou among women

and Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

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