Tied to the Whipping Post. How I Became a Warrior.

It’s a dull ache inside that pulls my heart up into my throat. My eyes want to brim with tears, but I fight it. This isn’t new, yet each time it happens, it feels like it. Over the years I’ve learned to dwell in this place of despair less and less, but once in a while, it’s unavoidable.

Like…when out of the blue while trying to do the right thing, I’m sucker punched in the heart and I realize I am no further along in my clan than I ever was and that despite my endless trying, it will always be this way.

I really hate saying that. If I were sitting here listening to someone else make this declaration, the faithful person inside me wouldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t allow someone else to be so hopeless as to say nothing will ever change. Life is constantly moving. Nothing is beyond God’s reach.

Sigh. But in this case, fifty five years have passed. Things are different, yet absolutely the same and it’s not going to change. Roles were assigned and set in stone long ago. Although I won’t and don’t have to wear that cloak any more, once in a while, I catch site of it’s threads and it rips the stitches off my heart.

I tell myself all the time that “God sees”, which is the only way I can get through most things. Friends and colleagues and countless counselors throughout the years have told me I don’t have to remain constantly tied to the whipping post. I don’t have to be present to subject myself to being blamed for things that have nothing to do with me. I don’t have to sit quietly while being shunned and ignored or held up to ridicule, yet I stay “because it’s the right thing” or is it?

“I became a warrior when I turned towards myself and started listening. In the depths of my wounds, in what I had named “darkness”, I found a blazing Light that continues to guide me.”

Indeed. God sees and so I persist.

HOW I BECAME A WARRIOR~~
Once, I ran from fear
so fear controlled me.
Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.
Listen to it, but not give in.
Honor it, but not worship it.
Fear could not stop me anymore.
I walked with courage into the storm.
I still have fear,
but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.
I invited shame into my heart.
I let it burn.
It told me, “I am only trying
to protect your vulnerability”.
I thanked shame dearly,
and stepped into life anyway,
unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness
buried deep inside.
I invited it to come out and play.
I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.
And I found joy right there.
Right at the core of my sorrow.
It was the heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety.
A mind that wouldn’t stop.
Thoughts that wouldn’t be silent.
So I stopped trying to silence them.
And I dropped out of the mind,
and into the Earth.
Into the mud.
Where I was held strong
like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.
I called anger into the light of myself.
I felt its shocking power.
I let my heart pound and my blood boil.
Listened to it, finally.
And it screamed, “Respect yourself fiercely now!”.
“Speak your truth with passion!”.
“Say no when you mean no!”.
“Walk your path with courage!”.
“Let no one speak for you!”
Anger became an honest friend.
A truthful guide.
A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.
I tried to distract and numb myself.
Ran to people and places and things.
Even pretended I was “happy”.
But soon I could not run anymore.
And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.
And I died and was reborn
into an exquisite solitude and stillness.
That connected me to all things.
So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.
My heart One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.
Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,
and they all have a home in me,
and they all belong and have dignity.
I am sensitive, soft, fragile,
my arms wrapped around all my inner children.
And in my sensitivity, power.
In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,
in what I had named “darkness”,
I found a blazing Light
that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior
when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.~

~Jeff Foster

Bittersweet Blessings.

I count myself as pretty Blessed among my friends and family because although my parents are in their upper 80’s, they are both still here and both in reasonably good health. There are times when they might need assistance doing certain things and when the occasion arises, I like to try to help. Having had a rocky relationship with them “back in the day” and even sometimes in the present; I still want to do what I can for them while they are here.

Sometimes I am asked why I do it and my response is simple, “They aren’t going to be here much longer. I want to know I did my best to love them well while they are here.”

Yesterday my Dad needed some help getting to the new location of the Driver’s License Bureau. It happens to be in my neighborhood, so I offered to drive him. Then we received word that one of my parent’s old dear friends had passed and that the celebration of his life would be held yesterday at the country club where our family practically lived my entire life. I knew Dad wouldn’t feel comfortable going by himself, so I offered to drop by and take him to both places.

Bear in mind I really am a creature of habit and practically a social recluse. Charlie and I have carved out a peaceful routine that works for us. We laugh at ourselves frequently for excitedly making plans to go somewhere new or to some social event and then at the very last second we look at each other, shrug our shoulders and say, “Naaaaaaah. I don’t reaaaaaaally wanna go, do you?” Nope. And then we stay home. (99.5% of the time, this is the exact scenario.)

The prospect of having to make small talk makes me recoil with intimidation, so I was sort of dreading going to the Country Club. Add to this the fact that I knew I would be seeing people who hadn’t seen me in almost forty years. I have been over weight off and on for a lot of years and whenever I think about seeing people from my past I become very insecure. (Translation: I used to have a very high level of confidence regarding my appearance! In fact, one might argue correctly that long ago my entire sense of self was wrapped up in the package of my outward appearance.)

All morning long I wrestled with the same feelings of dread that a person goes through when he/she is about to take and important test. Then I arrived to pick up my Dad at 3:00 PM.

This is a memory I won’t forget. After I had been there for a few minutes talking with my Mom, my Dad appeared all dressed to go. The man is 87 years old, yet when he stepped into the room, he was styled from head to toe looking as modern as any other person on the planet right down to his socks! He and my Mom giggled telling me that she had recently bought the pants he was wearing and hadn’t realized she was picking up, “the skinny leg” variety. It looked so good on Dad it made my heart smile. (My Dad has fought getting old his entire life. At almost 88 next month, it persists.) I was struck by how adorable he looked. It made me feel so good. He was dressed up to go out with ME, regardless of the occasion. (Sniffle. So sweet. I wish I had taken a photo, but that memory will stay with me forever more.)

Our trip to the License Bureau went off without a hitch and soon enough we were walking across the parking lot of the country club. This was a walk both of us had taken separately and collectively hundreds of thousands of times. This time, however, my Dad reached for my hand and we walked up the stairs together to pay respects to a dear friend and his family. It was a bittersweet feeling. This was a place that was a second home to us from birth until my early thirties. My Dad spent nearly every day there playing golf. (He reminded me on the trip over there that he and his buddies used to play on New Year”s Eve no matter what the weather.) I spent my youth in the pool and at the snack bar and then when my daughter was born, we were there together daily during the summers. This is the place we celebrated every special occasion; birthdays, weddings, Anniversary’s, Funerals, out of town guests, and of course, the Kentucky Derby and Breeders Cup!

We were both unprepared for the wash of feelings that hit us at the door. The first thing I noticed was a giant portrait of my Dad’s old good friend, Pee Wee Reese. Dad and I walked over to it and then noticed they had created an entire area dedicated to him. It was fun looking at the art and then peering out the window to see the pool area that had meant so much to me. Then we walked through the archway into the bar to pay our respects the family. The son of my Dad’s friend is a person I ran in the same circles with in high school and his wife graduated with me. It was so good to see them both and to hug them and just spend a few moments together. Looking around, it didn’t take long for Dad and I to come to the unspoken realization that he wouldn’t be seeing many of his old friends. They have all passed on or are in too ill health to socialize.

Trying to take the focus off of that fact, I took his hand and suggested we sneak around the club to see what it was like now. And so we did. What we found were a few changes named for other passed on men who were his best golfing buddies. We stopped in the bar and searched the wall for the plaque with his name on it for when he was the 1980 Club Champion. When I found it, I couldn’t help but reflect that in 1980 I was a Sophomore; probably the same year I started actively socializing in high school.

How did we get here, so far along in life? Gosh, it’s gone by so fast.

We took a few more steps out to the veranda to watch the golfers coming in. I knew Dad was probably remembering all of the times he’d played that course. The screaming elephant in both of our hearts was knowing he would not be playing that course again and that this is a place now predicated by the words, “used to”. I don’t have adequate words to paint what was in our hearts at that moment. I just have gratitude that we experienced it together.

On the way out we ran into two more of my high school friends and I got to hug their necks and say hello. Then I hugged my friend, who’d just lost his father and I told him from my heart, that I love him and although the occasion absolutely sucked, I was so happy to see he and his wife. I meant that. His Dad was important to me and by proxy, that made me always think of him as “brother”. I told him that too. It came out easily.

The drive home was filled with small talk and memories of days gone by. As he was getting out of the car, my Dad took my hand, and with tears in his eyes and told me how much it meant to him that I had suggested we go and that I took the time to come pick him up and Chauffeur him to and from. He said he was glad we were present there, “together”. I was too.

Having worked together for over thirty years, my Dad and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. There was even a time when we didn’t speak to or see one another for three years. Though it was emotionally hard, I count this day as a Supreme Blessing. I cried all the way home thanking God that love honestly does transcend all.

img_7172-1

PS- That photo up there was taken when I was just twenty years old. Dad and I were in San Diego attending a business meeting.


My Dear Lord,

Things pass so quickly here on this earth. While we are busy going about the tasks of our daily lives, please help us to remember to look up and to savor where we are in life. Far too often things happen in a flash and then we are left looking back lamenting and wishing we’d stopped before it was too late. Help us to cultivate the relationships we may be taking for granted and to communicate our feelings to those who may not realize how important they are to us. 

Thank you for allowing me precious time with my parents. Help us all to make the time to go the extra mile for our precious loved ones, even when to do so, requires supreme effort and extra energy. The are always unexpected Blessings there.

Thank you for the life you have given me. Thank you for the dear friends I’ve made along the way. Thank you for helping me speak the words that have long been hidden in my heart.

May we all be better vessels of your love and light today and always.

Amen


“Let all that you do be done in love.”  1 Corinthians 16:14

Here are My Cooking Influences. What are yours?

I am often asked how I learned to cook and I am often at a loss as to how to answer this. Truth is, I’m still learning; no one taught me; and yet EVERYONE teaches me! This is how I got started…

11164751_10155450122820573_2107273516052907060_n
Major Raymond A. Rodgers. My Granddad.

One of my favorite memories of my Granddad, Major Raymond A. Rodgers, was the time he tried (in vain) to teach me how to make a simple roux. It was after the death of my Grandma and he was living with us. He happened to love gravy and he thought it would be a good idea to teach me to make it. In my defense, I was about 22 and the very last thing in the world I had interest in was learning to make gravy. I hated gravy, but I loved my Granddad, so I was up for the challenge.

He started out by demonstrating the proper technique, then told me stories about how he used to make it in the army and finished up with a batch of really silky white gravy. Then it was my turn. After the third attempt resulted in yet a third pile of gluey goo and a thousand giggles later, Granddad retired to his room smiling and laughing in defeat! We laughed about that experience for years following.

I often think of him now when I am making up sauces to go on whatever dish I’ve created. I know he would be so proud that I finally know how to make a decent cream gravy and an even better sauce!

I have been asked a gazillion times where I learned to cook. I didn’t grow up in the kitchen with my mother or my grandmother learning family recipes. In fact, I didn’t even start cooking at home in earnest until around 2009.

I actually credit part of my cooking talent to the old show, “Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood”. I know it sounds very silly, but it’s true. If you ever watched the show as a kid, you will remember that at least once per show, Mr. Rodgers showed us how something is made. Often, the show would visit factories to watch how every day items such as crayons or pencils were made. These were my favorite segments. I think they taught me how to sit back, observe and learn and they are definitely what led me to love watching the early cooking shows such as; Julia Child, The Frugal Gourmet, The Cajun Cook, and the BBC2 series, The Two Fat Ladies. (That last show was a total hoot. My sister and I used to roll around on the floor laughing at those two motorcycling ladies!) Oh and I cannot forget to mention how I used to (and still do) adore Emeril Lagasse! (BAM!)

fred rodgers
Fred Rodgers

Two fat ladies
The Two Fat Ladies

Long about 2010, Charlie and I moved to a new house that had a wonderful kitchen. It wasn’t fancy; just had a lot of space. One night he was about to make something and out of the blue I declared that I would like to make something new I’d seen on television. I cannot even recall what it was, but I do remember the satisfaction I felt when it turned out beautifully and Charlie scarfed it all down. From that point forward, I did 98% of the dinner cooking in our home. My love of cooking shows grew and “The Food Channel” became the most watched network and explored web site in our home!

Working in a church has afforded me the unique opportunity of spending some time in an industrial kitchen once per week. Although my real job is in the finance office, Charlie and I were Grandfathered into preparing the weekly Fellowship Meal for 100-125 people. It started with someone else deciding the menus and purchasing the food. We would be left with instructions on how to prepare and serve it and eventually, we took over the entire thing. To me, it’s like planning a party each week, and I dearly love it when we pack up to leave, exhausted and sweaty, knowing that we prepared a great meal that left everyone satisfied!

My Mother often asks me how in the world we are able to do meals on such a large scale. She usually says that the mere thought of being responsible for all that food would make her too nervous to do it. This is when I stop and realize that if I sat around thinking about it like that, I wouldn’t be able to do it myself!

Tonight is the last Fellowship Meal for this season. We’ll take off a little over a month and return in July, so we’ve decided to make beef tenderloin. It’s a bit of a daunting task, IF I think about it, so I will just end here with the promise of photos tomorrow.

What are some of your cooking influences? My current favorites are, “The Pioneer Woman”, and “Barefoot Contessa”, but mostly, I just like to explore recipes and then tweak them to make them my own.

I’d love to hear how you got started cooking! Please share!

bobbe kitchen
This is me in the church kitchen a couple of years ago! Not the most attractive photo but I think you can tell I love being there!!  ❤

 

 

 

Hope Whispers

The darkest periods of my life have always been the most hope-filled. I can’t pinpoint who taught me this or when, as I cannot recall a time this wasn’t in my heart. The times I have been face down on the pavement of life, I’ve always had one eye focused on the love of God and the Blessing that’s surely on the way.

god-listenings

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

 

The darkest periods of my life have always been the most hope-filled. I can’t pinpoint who taught me this or when, as I cannot recall a time this wasn’t in my heart. The times I have been face down on the pavement of life, I’ve always had one eye focused on the love of God and the Blessing that’s surely on the way.

These are the times my heart whispers to me, “God will heal this. God sees you. God sees!”

I believe the Almighty does see, hear and feel everything I go through on this earth. Being the loving father He is to me; He waits for me to find the lesson of the experience; and when I do, He sends His grace.

That being said, it’s a dark time for me right now. For days I’ve been up at five am succumbing to tears and lamentations. It’s so hard to find the hope in a situation that keeps replaying itself in the exact same manner year after year. I keep telling myself, “God sees”, yet for the moment, it isn’t bringing me any resolution.

I do not know what to do in order to fix this. I don’t know that it can be fixed. I know perfectly well that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result. However, in this case, I am not the one repeating the same action and I already feel I have tried every possible approach.

Still in all, I keep one eye open, knowing unequivocally that through every single period of darkness in my life, God has revealed Himself to me in miraculous ways.

And so I will pray again, believing God will heal this situation, and He will.

Dear God:

I can’t. You can. Please Do.

Thank you in advance.

I love you.

Amen.

 


From The Angels:

romance Romance: Your angels have heard your appeals for romance.

If you are doing something you love to do, if you are engaged and passionate, it is like a giant beacon. Embrace the strong, fearless side of you personality that you may have forgotten about.

The angels may ask you to join a group or take a class in which you might meet someone with similar interests. Follow this guidance and you will discover the romance you are seeking.

blessings Blessings: As you continue the journey of rediscovering your Divine nature, we surround you with our love and blessings.

Your success will come from facing your challenges when they arise and discovering new paradigm solutions. You will have opportunities to pinpoint and resolve many longstanding issues during this cycle. The key here is staying in the present and addressing what is there, when it is in front of you. This means avoiding the temptation to procrastinate. It means developing more self-trust and more in-the-moment connection with your inner wisdom.

listening Listening: It’s easy to get busy in life trying to do everything at once. You can listen and work at the same time but sometimes multi-tasking isn’t the best use of our time. Sometimes we have to stop, look people in the eyes, and give them the gift of listening.

We need to take time to deposit value in their hearts. We need to support one another, and listening is an amazing way of doing just that.

As you go about your day, the angels remind you to give people the gift of listening. It seems like such a little thing, but those little deposits will eventually make a big difference. When you make deposits in people, you are making deposits in eternity, and that is what pleases the heart of God.

Bonus:
trust Trust: You have to be willing to pour in everything you have before you can see Gods increase flowing in your life. Believe in yourself, the angels emphasize the value of self-trust.

The angels encourage you to give God what you have in your hands today, and as you stay faithful to do your part, God will do His part.

When you put action behind your faith and trust God, He will pour wisdom, strength, and creativity into you and help you accomplish the dreams and desires He has placed in your heart. The angels ask you to trust in God and to trust in them, they will help you trust yourself.


Blessed are they who give
without expecting even thanks in return,
for they shall be abundantly rewarded.

Blessed are they who translate
every good thing they know into action,
for ever higher truths shall be revealed unto them.

Blessed are they who do God’s will
without asking to see results,
for great shall be their recompense.

Blessed are they who love and trust their fellow beings,
for they shall reach the good in people and
receive a loving response.

Blessed are they who have seen reality, for they know
that not the garment of clay but that which activates
the garment of clay is real and indestructible.

Blessed are they who see the change we call death
as a liberation from the limitation of this earth-life,
for they shall rejoice with their loved ones
who make the glorious transition.

Blessed are they who after dedicating their lives
and thereby receiving a blessing, have the courage and faith
to surmount the difficulties of the path ahead,
for they shall receive a second blessing.

Blessed are they who advance toward the spiritual path
without the selfish motive of seeking inner peace,
for they shall find it.

Blessed are they who instead of trying to
batter down the gates of the kingdom of heaven
approach them humbly and lovingly and purified,
for they shall pass right through.

~Mildred Norman


Dear Lord:

Remind me of anyone I need to forgive today (especially myself), and then please help me to obey you in this.

Amen

Face Value

 

imageThursday while visiting my parents, I laughed heartily at my father, who has been reading some of my previous blogs. He’s taken a special interest in the one entitled, “Assumptions and Interpretations” and we had a nice talk about what is actually meant by, “not making assumptions” when a person is speaking to you. I was so pleased that it appeared as though he was actually asking me what my true thoughts and feelings are, and he was listening to me, completely present in the conversation.

You must know my father. This was his way of giving me a supreme compliment-demonstrating to me that he was practicing precisely what I’d written about. Of course, I nearly fell on the floor in stitches, when he and my mother got into an argument about what it all meant -each of them cutting the other off mid-sentence. (I have to let them slide just a little bit as they are in their 80’s and I think that gives them a bit of a pass and besides, they weren’t really arguing-just bantering back and forth.)

Dad: “It says right here that you when someone compliments you, you should accept what the person says and not assume the person has ulterior motives! So when I tell you you are beautiful, you should accept that I mean it.”

Mom: “Shut up you Jack Ass, I HAVE a mirror you know. I can still SEE.” LOLOL!!!


How many of us are guilty of assuming we know what another person’s motives are? My goodness, with communication via electronic device at an all-time high, it’s so easy to fall into misinterpreting what someone is saying. (Charlie and I discuss this frequently because admittedly, we’re Facebook junkies.) It’s easy to go to someone’s page and read his/her words and misinterpret what we see. What’s even worse is when we know there are two different ways to take a certain statement and we choose the least attractive one. Rather than ask the author if we are correct, we just make an assumption and go on. I’ve seen so many fights start this way and plenty of perfectly good friendships hit snags because of this behavior.

I think it’s important for all of us to listen to what the angels suggest and ask ourselves WHY we aren’t truly listening. In my own life, I do remember a time in my mid twenties where it must have been so frustrating to try to communicate with me. I can vividly recall being at the office with my father, working on a calculator. He was trying to teach me a computation and he was getting frustrated because I kept trying to anticipate his next words. What happened as a result was that we kept having to start and stop because I would punch in numbers and do computations that were entirely wrong. LOL. I realize now, thirty years later, that I was doing that because I wanted him to know I was smarter than he realized, that I didn’t need to be told, and that I was capable on my own. What I demonstrated instead, was just how insecure and immature I really was.

I laugh because in later years, as fate would have it, I had the challenge of working with an employee who had the exact same bad habits I once had. (The Universe is so funny that way.) Most often we do get the opportunity to meet “ourselves” somewhere along the way. I have been on the receiving end of not being heard. We all have. What helps me to continue making an effort to really listen to people, is remembering what it feels like to be cut off mid-sentence; or to pour out my soul to someone only to have that person look at me in a daze and start an entirely new subject. We have to be so careful these days about how we treat one another and what we are cultivating in our lives. A spirit is a delicate thing.

AFFIRMATION: I am vigilant about how I am treating others, making certain I am careful to cultivate love and respect in all that I do and especially in what I say.


From The Angels:

image Healing: The highest purpose of your healer guides is to restore your self-awareness and self-esteem as children of God and help you accept the love and unlimited blessings that God grants you.

Opening your heart and mind to your worthiness is the best healing of all.

power Power: The power of your Creator is within you. It doesn’t matter if you’re facing a situation that seems larger than life or something that is a small hurdle the angels and God want to help you overcome it all!

The key to finding resolve in so many of life’s circumstances is to stay in the right frame of mind. You have the power of your Creator within you, all of the His greatness brings into focus who He is; faithful, righteous, good, honest and it diminishes the negative problems you are facing.

You have all the power of Divine love it is unlimited allow yourself shine. He is the one who with just his voice spoke the world and universe and cosmos into being, yet he is interested in the smallest and most intimate details of your life.

divine-guidance Divine Guidance: If you could see yourself as spirit sees you, there would be no doubt about the importance of this life. You would understand why it’s so vital that you wake up fully and walk the Earth like the Divine being you truly are. Your angels are inspiring you make your best efforts to create a life worthy of remembering. You know the potency of using your next present moments to masterfully create a new way of being.

Being able to make miracles happen is fundamentally a result of how you choose to align yourself, how you choose to use your mind, and how much faith you have in being able to use it to affect your physical world.

You have teachers, observers, and divine guidance available at any time. This world is your arena for growth and learning with the specific purpose of serving and evolving into higher levels of love. There is a higher power working in the universe beyond mere cause and effect. Pay close attention God and the angels are trying to speak to you.


I thank Christ our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.
— 1 Timothy 1:12 (NIV)


Today’s Prayers:

Lord, I believe:
I wish to believe in Thee.
Lord, let my faith be full and unreserved,
and let it penetrate my thought,
my way of judging Divine things and human things.
Lord, let my faith be joyful
and give peace and gladness to my spirit,
and dispose it for prayer with God
and conversation with men,
so that the inner bliss of its fortunate possession
may shine forth in sacred and secular conversation.
Lord, let my faith be humble and not presume
to be based on the experience of my thought and of my
feeling;
but let it surrender to the testimony of the Holy Spirit,
and not have any better guarantee than in docility to
Tradition
and to the authority of the magisterium of the Holy Church.

Amen.

 

Nothing is Impossible

You must look upon every experience you have, as being part of the growth of your spirit and soul. It would be unreasonable to expect to live a life in which you are always in bliss…

dont-quit

As we travel through life, at various times we may experience certain hardships and may stop to ask, “Why? What have I done to deserve this hardship, this obstacle, this pain? Why is God punishing me?”

What is important to keep in proper perspective, is that the difficulty we are facing, or the painful experience that we are asked to endure can actually be a karmic experience our soul requires for balance, or an important lesson we are to learn in for strength in the future. We must understand that one year of our lives is simply a single page in a magnificent book that represents our spirit/soul journey through eternity.

There is a reason for everything that happens to us in life; even though we may not readily understand what that reason is. We must never take the position that something has happened to us because God is punishing us. God manifests only love, and knowing only love, God doesn’t want to see us suffer, just as any parent would not want to see her own child suffer. Unfortunately, sometimes the lessons we experience in this life can be painful. The sorrow and heartache of losing someone close to you, is painful today, but one hundred years from now, when your soul’s are in the same dimension, that pain no longer exists. To be exposed to economic hardship in this lifetime, struggling to make ends meet, may be very painful and humbling at this moment; but ten years from now, the generosity that you may have in sharing with others, the appreciation of using a skill you did not have then, but you have today in order to provide financial security for yourself, having the willingness to help others who are desperately searching for a support system and you becoming that support system, all of these are manifestations of the pain you might have experienced ten years earlier, when you felt lost and were struggling to meet demands.

You must look upon every experience you have, as being part of the growth of your spirit and soul. It would be unreasonable to expect to live a life in which you are always in bliss, and you are only exposed to happiness and joy, never to sadness or hardship. Just examine the life of Jesus, and you will see that even He, who was a Son of God, who was so close to our Father/Mother that he sat by God’s side, experienced challenges, anguish and pain during his lifetime. It does not make a difference who your hero is, it would be almost impossible for them to reach the point of attainment were they not to go through hardships first.*

I guess I’m living testimony to the fact that in this life, things tend to come full circle if you have the fortitude to trust in God and wait for the tides to turn. Six years ago I embarked on a long trip through life without a single member of my family. (It lasted three years.)  There was a huge divide; something I was certain could never be bridged.

Yet this afternoon, I’ll go over as I have done every week now since we reconciled in 2010, to visit my mother and father–the people I was certain I could never again have a relationship with. Ha! How stupid we can actually be if given the opportunity. What I am finding lately is that the relationship I used to think was irreparably damaged beyond belief, is actually the one of the best relationships I have in my life, to date. My mother has grown and I have grown and now when we visit, we talk about our true feelings…things that were covered up before…and we understand one another ever so much better.

If anyone had come to me all those years ago to tell me that today, I’d be eager to get to my Mom’s house to share with her, I’d have laughed.

What seems impossible today is truly an illusion. Nothing is impossible. What made the difference in my relationship with my parents was the growth I experienced being away from them. Finally one day I decided to send a card and the rest rapidly became good history in my life. Before that time, my prayers were always that God would take over and eventually lead me where I needed to be. He did.

Whatever you are facing in your life at this moment, hang on. Rest assured that the tides always turn for the better, provided you continue to do the next right thing. THAT means, you don’t dwell in the impossible…instead you look forward to the day that things are better. They will be. That’s a promise!

(* NOTE: The first part of this has been sitting in my draft box for over a year with NO credit to who may have written it. I’m NOT sure I wrote it, although it sounds like me. I always give credit where it is due but in this case, I’m just not sure.)


From The Angels:

celebration Celebration: This time of light is a time of rejuvenation, of recharging your batteries. Take time to celebrate and rejoice in the uplifting of spirits. Lighten up. Acknowledge your diligence and give yourself credit and appreciation for all that you have accomplished. Stop and smell the roses. Stop to appreciate the beauty and majesty that is present in your lives.

Focus on what you are creating, not what is crumbling. Remember: neutral compassion, this is especially important for what is in your personal experience. Witness and bless. All the angels join with you in celebrations of light at this time, it is by this light that you are united, and by this light that you have created all that is on its way to you. What a glorious time to rejoice in all that is good and all that is true.

Don’t give up – for while it appears that you are on a solitary path, you are supported by reams of fellow beings of light on all around you. If you do nothing else at this time of celebration, remember the unseen party that is going on everywhere!

image Archangel Michael: Rapid change is often unsettling and can be stressful, but only because it seems to be too rapid and therefore threatening. Remember that you have agreed on the higher level to be part of the change, and that the changes are to bring in Light, Love, Joy and Abundance.

Operate from your Heart rather than your head. If there is fear, then it is coming from your head. Stay grounded and open, and be practical. If you are in the flow of Divine Creative energy, then you cannot fail.

Archangel Michael is making his presence known to you. Remember that you are Safe and Protected at all times, and that all is in Divine Order at all times! If you trust Divine Order, and not your old habits, you will be fine! God and the angels will help you stay true to yourself during trying times.

answered-prayer Answered Prayer: Each day connect with your soul allow the divine light in. Your prayers have been answered.

In your life find a way to experience spiritual devotion through prayer or meditation in a way that brings out devotional qualities. These qualities or energies are healing. They drive away anger. All of your prayers are always answered.

The angels request that you be observant of everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, or sense in any way it is an aspect of Divinity.


When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

-Author Unknown-


Today’s Prayer:

Lord,

Today I offer my prayers for those who are searching and suffering in this life. So many of my friends are experiencing darkness in their lives. Let my prayer join with others in the universe who are praying for light, love, strength and stability.

As always, I thank you in advance for your continued love and support and for all of the things you do for us that we do not even realize.

Help us all to be better versions of ourselves and to treat our bodies as temples for our spirits. (Especially yours truly.)

I love you.

Amen

 

Baubles & Blessings. Trinkets &Tears.

In a perfect world, life would be fair on all counts, yet, it’s not…

image

This is actually a repeat of a blog I did years ago. It could have been written yesterday as things are still the same. I am leaving it here because a lot of you do not know my whole background. Rather than tell the entire long, boring story, this is a little snippet of what I sometimes experience when I visit with the parents on Thursdays.


In getting used to writing regularly again, I’m finding myself ready to talk about more personal things. For a time I held back,  unsure I should be revealing the total truth. Today, I feel like who really cares what anyone thinks, provided I’m speaking my truth and I always do.

I have spoken a little about going to visit my mother and how it’s been a Blessing in my life to reconnect. Today I visited again and we laughed and joked and talked about old times. We talked about my writing my book, (and of course, she has her ideas about what I should write about).

It was a bit hard towards the end of our visit when she accidentally shared with me that she’s all ready given most of my Grandmother’s jewelry and hers too, to my daughter and sister. Although, I am not one who is really interested in material things, it was hard to hear this today, feeling like I’d been passed over as “non-existent”. Still, I tried to be cheerful when she related how my daughter always gets her way; how even though C. doesn’t usually wear jewelry, she’s managed to conquer most of the best pieces. I tried to make a few nice comments, “I’m glad for her. It’s nice that she’s finally wearing nice things…” It was a struggle for me. All my heart could feel was, “Why doesn’t anyone in this family ever think about me?”

I guess my Mom saw me struggling unsuccessfully to be cheerful. I had a smile on my face but I was wishing I could run out of there to bawl my eyes out. It’s not about the “stuff” for me at all. It’s about being forever treated like I am not a true member of the family. It’s about being consistently last.

My Grandparents were the most special people in the world to me. I was actually the closest one to both of them, but Mom either doesn’t remember this or she’s chosen not to care. It is devastating to me at times, but I always put on a brave face.

I could see in my Mom’s expression that she was kicking herself for having said what she did. She didn’t intend to hurt me and I know she felt an immediate need to make up for it. So she forced me into the room where the jewelry safe has always been and she wouldn’t look at me, knowing I had tears streaming down my face. She forced me to stand there while she opened it, trying to attempt to save my feelings, saying, “there isn’t much left, but you can pick too”.

I don’t fault her for anything yet, it really hurts to know that I wasn’t even thought of when this distribution took place. I guess she she did what she thought best. I WAS gone for three years, after all.

Still it hurts. In a perfect world, she’d have given what she wanted to and saved the balance for us to share equally. This is what she did when my Grandmother died and she was left everything. She said she could not possibly be at peace knowing she had a brother and sister who loved their mother as much as she did…and keep the things to herself. So she waited until my Grandfather died and then they drew straws and picked fairly.

There were things she didn’t get but I remember her telling me she was at peace because she “did the right thing”. I cannot help but wonder why she hasn’t used the same measure of balance for her own children and Grandchild.

It’s hard for me because I was the closest to my Grandparents. It’s hard for me because yesterday, I felt humiliated-like an after thought-when she forced me into the room to pick something. She forced two rings on me, which I am grateful for because they turned out to be things that have sentimental value for me; but by and large, I just wanted to run out of there.

This is a pattern in my family. Negative attention has always been fed and rewarded and that’s all I will say about that at this time.

I worked with my father for twenty seven years and in the end was left with nothing when he decided he needed the income and he sold our business. In fact, he gave my sister and daughter all of the equipment and furniture from my office. My daughter and sister have been allowed anything and everything they’ve wanted. Now all of this jewelry stuff.

I have a hard time understanding why things in my life have played out the way they have. In my heart, I have an idea, but it sure doesn’t take the pain away.

On the way home, through my tears, I kept hearing, “the meek shall inherit the earth”. I know it sounds crazy but this is what repeated over and over in my brain. I thanked God through my tears and shouted out that while I may not have the mementos, I have had the love and that means MORE.

Years from now I will remember these times with my Mom that are four uninterrupted hours, once per week, of solid visit time where we share openly and honestly. MOST times we giggle and laugh and other times I burst into tears and try to tell her how I feel. It won’t change the behavior, but at least I am able to express myself.

The Blessing in all of this is that she listens. How many people get to speak from the heart like this and have her mother actually HEAR? I don’t know. What I DO know is that this is what I’ve needed my entire life so yes, it’s worth way MORE than jewels and material possessions. I have her ear, her heart and her time and I’m saying things I want to say before she leaves this earth. In a few years, I’ll feel peace. My sister and daughter will still have the baubles, but I’ll have important memories..

It seems my lesson is almost always one of learning to shift one’s perspective in order to see the bright side of life. Believe me, it’s never easy to do, but the result is always a good one.

Count your Blessings. They ARE there.


From The Angels:

listening Listening: It’s easy to get busy in life trying to do everything at once. You can listen and work at the same time but sometimes multi-tasking isn’t the best use of our time. Sometimes we have to stop, look people in the eyes, and give them the gift of listening.

We need to take time to deposit value in their hearts. We need to support one another, and listening is an amazing way of doing just that.

As you go about your day, the angels remind you to give people the gift of listening. It seems like such a little thing, but those little deposits will eventually make a big difference. When you make deposits in people, you are making deposits in eternity, and that is what pleases the heart of God.

image Support: God, the angels, and all who love, protect, and guide you are watching over you right now. When you take time to communicate with God and the angels, they are able to pour out power and strength into our lives.

This card reassures in the multitude of anxious thoughts within you. Divine love comforts you. They will comfort you with the energy of Divine love.

If you ever feel doubtful about your ability to help others, ask the angels to help you release these fears.

truth-intergrity Truth & Integrity: You have the strength to stand strong in the midst of difficult situations, and the wisdom it takes to make good decisions. If something in your life isn’t working, be willing to release it to God and the angels.

Understand you are important, and know that you are called to add value to the world around you. No matter where you are in life today, you have potential to increase, grow, to be strengthened, and to move forward. God created you for His good purpose and you are His masterpiece!


Today’s Prayers

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. — Romans 5:1-2 (NIV)

 

Dear God:
I Can’t.
YOU Can.
Please Do.
Thank you.
Amen