Denial Works for Me.

As I lay waiting for sleep last night, thoughts and memories flooding my heart -old tapes playing through my brain; I suddenly realize this was my rude awakening

sleepless

I often say I live very well in the state of denial.  I don’t ask questions I don’t want to hear the answers to;  I don’t pay attention to what anyone might be saying about me;  I don’t poke my nose into the affairs of others and compare my state in life to theirs.  Although it may sound like I’m living an honorable life, the reality is that I take good care to protect myself from any form of emotional pain.

So why in the world would I decide yesterday to be a good time to surf the web to look up people who are no longer active members of my life?  Insanity comes to mind.

I stumbled across the page of someone dear to me only to be jolted by the fact that while it’s years since I last saw this person, the same tape continues to play.  I read a few very untrue statements that made a vague reference to me and it stung hard in my heart.  I don’t see much evolution in this person.  I still see plenty of old pain, lots of new, and a false face of bravery.  Oh yes, it burns.

As I lay waiting for sleep last night, thoughts and memories flooding my heart -old tapes playing through my brain; I suddenly realize this was my rude awakening.  The reason I went outside of my normal behavior yesterday, was most likely because I was supposed to in order to see what I saw.  There is still plenty of unfinished business in my life.  It’s not enough to be complacent and just wait for the right opportunity.  I have to start asking the hard questions.  I have to face a painful situation….because the only way out is through.  I know beyond a doubt this was not really an “accidentally stumbled in” situation.  This was me being led to see something I needed to see.

We all have times in our lives when God isn’t so subtle.  I laugh hard at the memory of myself -years ago- kneeling at the foot of the cross asking God to make me humble.  How stupid of me.  Over twenty seven years later, He’s still teaching me this lesson.  (Be careful what you pray for.)

Although yesterday’s experience was a shock to my heart and a definite “rude awakening”, I’m focused on the “awakening” part.  I liken the shock to that of a defibrillator…bringing me back to the reality of life and the fact that I still have a lot of work to do.

Yet another Blessing in disguise.  Can I get an “Amen!”

From The Angels:

self-acceptance Self-Acceptance: You are important and know that you are called to add value to the world around you.

You have rich treasure inside you that people need. You have more in you than you realize, and you can accomplish more than you ever thought possible.

No matter where you are in life today, you have potential to increase, grow, to be strengthened, and to move forward. God created you for His good purpose and you are His masterpiece!

balance Balance: Restore me to balance in body, mind, and spirit. Remove everything from my consciousness and body that is not in perfect alignment with your loving plan for me.

I give my full permission and cooperation to all healing forces of Divine Love and ask God and the angels to lift all of my burden.

spiritual-growth Spiritual Growth: Integrate spirituality to a higher degree in your daily live! Enjoy the process!

You are seeking a higher connection a renewed connection with the Divine and you wish you could immerse yourself read, study, learn, or meditate take it all in at once. The exhilaration of moving up to a higher level of consciousness is challenging slow down and enjoy the process.

Trust that the same Power that brought you to your spiritual path will also take care of everything for you.

 

Author: Bobbe

I'm just a person. I've been a mystic sharing inspirational experiences and stories my entire life. This blog is a personal experiment in self reflection and expression with a few recipes sprinkled in for good measure. (I've always got something cooking!)

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